


The Waves Always Return

by mermaidfinn



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: F/F, M/M, Mermaid victor, Multi, Otabek Altin & Yuri Plisetsky Are Best Friends, Slow Burn, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Yurio is trans, edit: fujoshi/otayuri shippers please never interact with me or my fic, i love that thats a tag itself good post blessed, it has come to my attention that yurglers are touching my fic so please go away, me projecting my anxiety adhd and depression on yuuri n victor, mermaid au, mermaid mila, mermaid sara, mermaid yurio, more characters are mermaids but fuck i dont wanna type this, my first fic lma0, same if youre a fujoshi or like k/lling st/lking just get out unsubscribe click away block me, self deprecating jokes, thank you and i hope the rest of you enjoy my fic, uhhhh lots of gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2018-12-04 12:24:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 22,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11555160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mermaidfinn/pseuds/mermaidfinn
Summary: Yuuri returns home for the summer from university where he is studying to become a vet or animal specialist (he hasn't decided yet don't ask). Without his dog, Vicchan, or a plan for the future, he finds his anxiety even more difficult to manage. On the night of his welcome home party, however, Yuuri meets someone who gives him a fresh perspective on life and what he can make of it. They learn about each other's worlds in an attempt to escape from their own.





	1. fighting the tides

**Author's Note:**

> hey gaymers its time to dddddddread my fic! sorry the first chapter is so short. i have a lot planned so stay tuned (like yall should see my google doc for this thing its 8 pages of backstory and lore) i hope you enjoy what i have so far and please leave a comment/kudos if you have the time. thank you!

Coming back home should have felt better, and it added to the guilt he already had resting on his shoulders. _This is home, but I feel ashamed._ Yuuri felt like he had packed the guilt in his suitcase before heading to the airport. The plane could have malfunctioned from the heavy weight in his bags, but no Yuuri just _had_ to arrive safely. If he’d gone down in a plane crash, he wouldn’t have to face the disappointment on his mom’s face - or Mari’s when she finds out he’s dropping out of university like she did.

Yuuri entered the terminal to retrieve his luggage, but every pair of eyes in the room seemed to follow him. _What if they know why I’m here, why I had to come home?_ His thoughts went back to his mom and sister. _How could they possibly accept me coming home when I’ve done nothing for our family? All that money spent on school for nothing…_

Yuuri shook his head. “That’s just the anxiety talking. I’m sure it’ll be okay. They’ll understand,” he muttered to himself. _Deep breaths._

Yuuri dropped his eyes to the floor as he walked, counting each linoleum square he stepped on to distract his thoughts. _Two, three, four._ Every tile became a beat in the rhythm. Yuuri called that song “Anxiety Squares”, but the title was a work in progress. It would be available on iTunes in the distant, distant future called never. Yuuri huffed a small laugh then smirked to himself. The album could be called “Self Loathing: A Practice Perfected by Katsuki Yuuri”.

A dull beep sounded over the speakers, scattering Yuuri’s thoughts like a flock of birds dispersing through the sky after being frightened. The luggage started its course and every pair of eyes in the room followed the track. Spotting his immediately, Yuuri grabbed his suitcase and put it in roll mode. He adjusted his backpack and duffel bag, then studied the station’s guide to see where he’d be exiting. It’d been too long since he’d been home that the whole airport’s changed.

Yuuri wondered what else had changed in his years away at university across the sea. No one would have forgotten about him, right? _Or maybe it’d be better that way._ Yuuri recognized where this train of thought was headed and decided to hit the breaks before he’d crash. His brown eyes followed the path ahead once more, noting the tile squares. _Five, six, seven, eight._ He’d reach the doors soon enough. A glance up showed the automatic sliding doors were just a few feet away. He let his head drop down again as he sighed in relief.

Yuuri heard the crash before he felt it. His suitcase clattered to the floor and he stumbled backwards, shoes making a harsh squeak. The woman he ran into let out a loud mixture between a groan and a yelp. Her sunglasses hit the ground, creating an ugly plastic-on-parquet clash. Yuuri felt his face heat up immediately. _Oh shit.._ When he looked up, a dark haired woman dressed in a denim romper and cardigan stood in front of him. The scowl on her face cleared like clouds parting when she saw his eyes.

“Minako?” _Oh shit._

“Yuuri? Oh my god, Yuuri. I thought you were some rude kid and I was about to let loose my inner rage!” Minako let out a sigh as she bent down to pick up her sunglasses off the floor. Yuuri beat her to it, then handed over her glasses as an apology. He could barely catch his breath, still shaken from running into her. His heart raced and no finish line was in sight.

“Minako, I am….so so SO sorry I didn’t see you. I swear I’d never run into you on purpose I just wasn’t watchi-”

“Hoooold on there, Yuuri. It’s okay, I promise”, Minako interjected. “You’re lucky I didn’t have my heavier purse today or I would have whacked you across the face instinctively,” she joked with a smile. A warm chuckle tumbled out of her, warming Yuuri up too.

“Anyway, your mama wanted me to come get you, so let’s head back. Everyone’s dying to see you, don’t look so glum.” She pulled up Yuuri’s suitcase by the handle and pivoted her heels to face the door. Yuuri hadn’t moved, only watched her with his hands frozen from when he gave her the sunglasses. Her eyes studied him for a second, a bit confused.

“Yuuri? You’re not gonna make an old woman like me carry your bag are you?”

He shook the glaze out of his eyes and mumbled an apology. Everything happened so fast, his brain and heart didn't seem to be connected. Blood was still rushing through his veins in crisis mode while his mind was tied in knots. _Oh no, she's staring. Say something. Move! Come on, Yuuri. Don't be an idiot_. _You can do this._ Yuuri stepped forward to take his suitcase back from Minako, but she stopped him again.

“Hey, look at me,” she spoke quietly. Yuuri tilted his chin up to face her. “It’d be better if you get out of your head for a bit and joined me.” He let out a breath, one he didn't even realize he was holding. With a small nod, Yuuri reached for the suitcase handle once more and this time, Minako let him take it. _Just a walk home. It will be okay. Out of my head….you can do this.._

~

The warm, sticky air of June settled in Hasetsu like a long, winding dragon of fog wrapping itself between the buildings and among the streets. She coiled her cloud-like tail around each home and store, protecting them. With every exhale of humid breath, the dragon’s slumber dug deeper. Her rugged, scaly snout let out wisps of heat, flowing into the wind and dissipating once they hit the ocean’s shore.

Between his family’s inn, Minako’s dance studio, and the oceanside, Yuuri couldn't choose a favorite place. Each one had its own perks, like the wonderful smells seeping from the kitchen at home. Minako made a copy of the dance studio’s key for him years ago when he decided dancing was the best stress reliever. Too many times had Yuuri snuck into the side entrance to practice routines late in the night when his anxiety was too strong to sleep. The ballet studio was another home away from home. Then, there was the ocean shore.

Ever since Yuuri was little, the ocean fascinated and terrified him great amounts. Who wouldn't fear the tides strong enough to drag someone from the shore? Or the unforgiving crashing of waves on sharp rocks? Yuuri felt his anxiety ebb and flow like the ocean, sometimes swirling gusts of heat and cold into a dreadful storm of shaking hands, thunderous voices, and bright flashes of the past coming back to taunt the present. After each monsoon passed, the water’s ripples would slow to match Yuuri’s heartbeat until the surface was calm again. Managing his sea of thoughts was a daily task Poseidon himself would be proud of. He took comfort in the ocean now. It was a reminder that smooth water could still happen after a storm, so whatever hurricane his mind faced, there'd be a solution after.

Yuuri never got the chance to stay with a therapist for too long, so the coping skills they taught never made sense. Though it didn't come from a mental health doctor, one message stuck with him, even on the days where he couldn't be consoled. The words came from Minako’s wife, Naida, an Indian physical therapist his ballet instructor met when she was traveling the world with her dance company. He never quite understood what she meant, but reflecting on their conversation let his mind focus on something else. Yuuri heard her cool voice in his head. Her words carried the same power as the intensity in her deep brown eyes. 

“I’m a therapist of the body, not the mind, but I know everything is connected. Your brain and spine send signals everywhere in your body, so if your brain is in control, your whole being can be in control.”

“I’m not sure I understand..”

“Everyday, bad things happen, yes? Our mind processes these, our body reacts, and we go from there. Your mind cannot stay in alert mode all day long, it’s bad for your health. It's like fighting the tides at a beach and instead of taking a rest, you'll get a mouthful of sand and salt water. Oh, and you'll get sunburnt.”

“Naida, I think I understand less now,” Yuuri chuckled. _Don't be anxious all the time it's bad for my health...thanks. Real helpful._

“What i'm trying to say is don't fight the thoughts in your head all day. They're just waves. Learn to float above them or dive under, but don't crash through every time. You are in control and you can decide when it's best to swim with them, or step out of the water. Those tides will come back again and again, so give yourself a rest.”

_Still have no idea what that means, but if picturing the ocean helps, I'll take it..._

“Thank you, Naida. And i'll remember to put on my sunscreen next time,” he joked. Naida let out a small laugh, soft like cotton.

Yuuri smiled fondly on the memory and looked out at the water. He and Minako had taken the subway from the city, then walked to where they are now on a bridge across the channel. They’d be approaching the inn within a mile so Yuuri needed to keep thoughts of home, the studio, and the ocean close by. He slipped them in the pocket of his jeans and adjusted his backpack. _I can do this._

Minako glanced back at him, smirking. She turned her head forward again and remarked, “You know, I have to look back at you sometimes to make sure you haven't run off. Or even wandered off since you seem out of it.”

“I’m tired from the flight but I am following you. I don't think the jet lag has hit me yet.”

Yuuri paused a bit at a lamp post to tighten and re-tie his sneakers. Minako unwrapped her loose cardigan from around her arms, then tied the sleeves around her waist in a petite bow. When she spoke again, Yuuri repositioned himself to tie the other shoe. 

“Let’s hope your jet lag doesn't hit you later at your welcome home party. I don't want to find you taking a nap in the corner when people want to greet you.”

“WELCOME PARTY?!” Yuuri fell over with a squeak. _Oh no no no no no…_ “What welcome party? Who decided this was a good idea?”

Minako’s voice became a blur. He had no idea what she was saying; even her mouth moving made no sense. _Damnit! I didn't want anyone but my family knowing I was coming home…How many times have I panicked today, fuck. What is she trying to tell me?_

Her palm landed on his shoulder, her other hand extended to help him up. _Right. Inhale. Exhale._ Yuuri accepted her hand and stood up. _Inhale. Exhale. Faded words like an old scarf came out of her mouth still, but less foggy than before. The ends were fringed and thread, tangled, but he could comprehend that the fabric of her speech was soft. Yuuri hadn't the slightest idea of what Minako said, but her tone was enough to bring him back._

__

They continued walking in silence - less of the awkward kind and more of a reflective kind. It was a silence perfect for thinking, only Yuuri didn't think he wanted to think. Thinking too much is what got him here. _It's just a welcome home party. Maybe it'll be a small gathering, nothing fancy. It'll be ok. I can do this._

__


	2. birth by storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri is reunited with his family and childhood friends, but a monsoon brews in the distance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who's back! this month has been extremely busy for me and will continue to be that way for a while. i taught a camp for little kids this week, start school this wednesday, and am currently in the final stages of moving house! i promise this story is a priority for me so i'll plan to follow a schedule to update this fic more regularly. i hope you enjoy! (ps comment if you get my nerdy references and i'll love you forever)
> 
> content warnings for this chapter: alcohol consumption

Minako entered the inn ahead of him, mumbling something about needing a drink. Yuuri froze. Running away now was always an option - a cowardly one he'd never forgive himself for, but the thought of coming inside, coming _home_...Yuuri sighed. He knew he'd have to face it eventually, telling his parents about his attendance issues. Then, they’d learn how that lead to more issues. Yuuri had barely passed the year and it had been miserable to scrape by. Being too stressed to rest and too tired to study was not a good combination for college. Yuuri was usually a good student, too, damnit! He decided things would be different in the morning, if he could survive this night. In the morning, he could clear his head enough to plan what he’d do next.

The late afternoon’s sky was a silky watercolor blue that pierced through every open window like an arrow and bled pink through the indoor curtains. Yuuri had forgotten how beautiful the inn looked from the outside, inviting and almost enchanting. That's all Yuuri could focus on while walking up the pathway home. Well, that and the cloud of melancholy following him closely behind. It weaved in and out of Yuuri’s legs like his dog used to do. A chill rushed past his ankles, quick but playful. Yuuri looked down, expecting to see his fluffy friend, Vicchan. Nothing. _No. He's gone. Don’t think about it_.

Despite protesting his own thoughts, Yuuri couldn't stop thinking of Vicchan. His wonderful companion was always there for him through his panic attacks, licking away the tears painting his cheeks. Yuuri’s parents accepted the idea when he brought up possibly adopting a therapy dog to help him cope with stress and learn responsibility. He remembered it being one of the best days of his life.

Vicchan was a small, fluffy toy poodle adopted from a local shelter by Yuuri’s family. Vicchan came from a small litter where a few of his brothers and sisters did not survive. The mother was a retired show dog, so the puppies that lived were given beautiful names like prizes. As one could assume, Vicchan came from “Victor” meaning winner.

The name referred to the pup overcoming his dreadful beginnings - not being able to open his eyes for the first month and a half. Walking and eating solid food were challenges that approached later, but Vicchan was a determined dog. A late-bloomer like himself. He was determined to live a life to the fullest. Yuuri was inspired by Vicchan, another creature expected to not succeed but fought anyway. That was the kind of person Yuuri wanted to be - a fighter.

His initial plan was to keep up with his hobbies like ice skating or volunteering at the marina a mile away. Yuuri’s family never had the funds to sign on with a proper coach to figure skate, and he never stopped blaming himself for that. Instead of paying a coach, his family chose to look for a psychiatrist and therapist instead. He was grateful for the help they provided. However, that doesn't stop him from wondering where he’d be if that anxious voice never knocked on his door with the intention of moving in.

His childhood friend, Yuuko, got a job at the marina during the same summer Yuuri got a therapist. Dr. Shimada was his name if Yuuri remembered correctly. It could have also been the name of a video game character for all he knew. Yuuri never paid much attention to his therapist’s names through the years since he’d gone through so many. He does remember constantly mentioning Yuuko working and how he was so excited for her.

"Yuuko got to help feed the dolphins yesterday!" or "Yuuko got to pet the stingrays - isn’t that so cool?"

Yuuko this, Yuuko that. Yuuri had always looked up to her and still did, as embarrassing as it was. Dr. Whoever suggested he start working there too. The marina always welcomed him there to volunteer, so Yuuri ran there everyday after school if dance with Minako-sensei hadn’t come first.

Yuuri had never expected himself to pursue vet school, but Vicchan nudged him into taking that step. Caring for his dog allowed Yuuri to not think too harshly of himself. After all, if Vicchan could love him, the mess he was, maybe he _was_ worth something.

Not long after Yuuri was accepted into a university in America, Vicchan started having health problems. Never anything serious, but Yuuri had already moved halfway across the world and felt useless. There was nothing he could do for his best friend but feel his pain at night and pray Vicchan get better. He was born a fighter and would beat this out.

The more Yuuri studied animal biology at school, the more at ease he’d feel at night knowing he'd have a role in the world someday and the pain was temporary for his dog. Vicchan wasn’t old and his surgery had gone well. Yuuri insisted on paying for it, even if it meant living off of ramen and peas for two weeks. He’d stay up late some nights to facetime Mari, his sister, to check in with Vicchan and his family. Eventually, his dog went back to his usual playful self, licking the phone when his owner would call and visiting with the inn’s guests. Knowing he was safe helped Yuuri sleep better at night.

It happened on the last week of winter break. Japan is 13 hours ahead of New York, so Yuuri got the call 8 am his time. He and his roommate, Phichit, slept in and hadn’t heard the first few rings. While Phichit got up to feed his hamsters, Yuuri returned the missed calls and instantly, his heart sunk. Vicchan - the dog who had survived so much with a lopsided smile on his face and the tongue hanging out the side - died in a car accident. A car accident?

Mari wanted to spare the details of the crash because she knew how it’d affect her brother. Yuuri’s mouth seemed to detach from the rest of his body, like the words coming out weren’t his. He begged to know. Some part of him thought knowing exactly what happened would make it easier to let go, but it did the opposite.

Icy rain from the afternoon dragged on until late evening. Mari had let Vicchan outside to pee. He always followed close behind Yuuri and Mari’s legs, so he never needed a leash. Oh, if they could go back and change that. Vicchan spotted another dog across the street, and being the friendly ball of fluff he was, felt the urge to greet them. The flash of car lights alarmed Mari, who had remained relaxed until then. A yelp erupted into the air, a swerve, a screech. The car drove off and everything became surrounded by cold silence, harsh like a biting, frozen wind.

The dog and owner on the opposite street rushed to Vicchan, and even helped Mari carry him home, but Yuuri couldn't think about it anymore and cursed himself.

How could he abandon Vicchan like that? Went off to vet school to help more animals like him, but can’t even care for his own dog? _How pathetic is that? I’m such a hypocrite. What will I do now? I won't be able to look another dog in the face, so how am I supposed to pursue vet school?_

Yellow light from the inn’s doorway appeared in front of Yuuri, along with Minako’s shadow. _Great. How long have I been out here?_

“Yuuuuuuriiii!” she sang out. The glass in her hand was held loosely, dancing and nearly spilling as she continued. “Come inside, your family wants to see you.”

“Coming!”

Yuuri swat away a mosquito at his ankle with a wrinkled, worried face and walked to the door. He exhaled shakily as his face was bathed in the warm light of the inn.

Years of Minako adjusting his posture came back and reminded Yuuri to straighten his spine. Everyone he had known growing up as well as new visitors would be inside, so Yuuri had to show his best I’m-keeping-this-together-no-really-I’m-fine face. A weak smile grew on his cheeks, one that'd wilt in the hot light.

 _Everything will be fine, right?_ He hadn't told his parents about his decision for the following school year, but he feared they'd ask over dinner. Or sooner. _Shit, what if the guests ask? Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck..._ He approached the door with deep breaths, then slowly entered.

Minako chirped, waving her half empty glass around, ”Hiroko! Guess who just waltzed through the door.”

Yuuri hadn't even removed his sneakers when the guests and family friends in the den recognized him. Suddenly, a barrage of familiar voices rang out. Their boisterous energy shook the thin walls of the rooms.

“Yuuri! How long has it been?”

“Look who's back from the US! How was it, Yuuri?”

“My goodness, Yuuri! I didn’t realize you'd be coming home today.”

“How’s our smart young man? Did you bring back a girlfriend?”

 _Wow, I thought we’d been over this._ Yuuri laid down his shoes, making a satisfying “clud” sound on the tile. He ignored the greetings until his mother’s voice became one of them.

“Yuuri!” she spoke. There was no need for shouting or small talk. All the excitement Yuuri could ever need was in his mom’s voice. “You're home.”

“I am.”

That's all they needed to say. Yuuri internally sighed in relief. He was glad to see her, the calm after the storm. _Or before…depending on how she takes my news. No, don't think about that right now._

Hiroko stepped forward, clearly trying to contain her excitement by shuffling her feet and swinging her arms slightly. They both knew Yuuri needed his space, but he could see how much she wanted to hug him. _It’s been so long. I’m sorry, Mom._ Yuuri started the embrace instead, then he felt his mother wrapping her arms around his back and neck. Her left hand smoothed his hair. All thoughts of university and America and struggling faded away. There was only this reunion.

~

Family dinner was served earlier than normal, considering the Katsuki’s usually ate the leftovers or made food for themselves after the guests were served. It had been a slow week, and only a few families were housed in the inn so this arrangement was just fine.

Hiroko made her son his favorite dish to celebrate his coming back after two years at school. Yuuri hadn't said much while eating. At first, he allowed himself to be consumed by the food and the sight of his family. Rice, pork, and egg filled his hollow, nervous stomach. Then, his thoughts drifted back to Vicchan during the meal, remembering how he’d lie next to Yuuri feet and beg for scraps.

Yuuri had paid his respects to Vicchan’s shrine before dinner, but the wound was still open in his heart. He couldn't stick a bandaid on anymore and hope for the best. Skin would reform over the cut and leave the inside unclean, letting the bad grow internally. He knew he would keep seeing his dead dog everywhere he went. Yuuri had to accept it and move on.

Mari, sat beside Yuuri at the table, tossed glances at her younger brother. Her face was hard to read out of the corner of his eyes, but Yuuri could guess she was concerned. They exchanged small hello’s, bland but sufficient enough. He was relieved to see his sister well, worried she might still be upset with him for leaving. Small talk wasn't meant for them, but he could tell Mari was itching to ask about how he was. Yuuri hadn't mentioned his plans for next year regarding school yet, and now that he was on this streak, he couldn't think of a proper way or proper time to do so.

_It could wait longer, right? I don't have to say anything now..._

Mari tossed another glance at Yuuri, longer this time like her eyes were gifted x-ray vision and she was inspecting him closely.

He tossed a glance back and it became a game of catch. Mari caught his eyes and threw hers back to have Yuuri reciprocate, each time their eyes flashing more wildly. They added funny faces and wiggling eyebrows somewhere in the mix, becoming less discrete with every look. His sister broke her composure and snickered behind her hand. Yuuri grinned stupidly and pushed his glasses back on the bridge of his nose.

Yuuri’s father, Toshiya chuckled, ”I almost forgot how silly my children can be when they're together.”

It should have stayed this sweet and content, warm like the sticky summer air outside. However, Yuuri wanted nothing more than to be truthful with his parents and sister. The guilt pot stirring in his stomach wouldn't allow him to cower down now. Not when his family deserved to know what Yuuri decided. Deep discussions over dinner was a thing right?

“Mom, Dad. Mari.” He cleared his throat, a bit too loud. “I uh, I wanna be honest with you. About how I've been. I know over the phone, um I said things were fine and I was doing okay...Um but. I had a bit of trouble with school this past semester. Like, a lot of trouble. I thought um, I thought I could handle it but…”

His cheeks felt hot and his eyes felt moist. _Not now, please. Let me finish._ Yuuri’s parents nodded, gesturing that they were still listening. Mari leaned in as her way of saying she was too.

He continued with hands under the table, gripping too-tightly on his shirt, “I couldn't do it. The stress got to me and I - what happened with Vicchan made things so much worse. Classes, I - I um, ended up skipping a lot and that made me feel worse too. Phichit helped me lots and I'd been taking all my meds, but I stopped seeing Dr. Nagireddy or going to um. The c- the school counselor. I missed like...a lot of school, Mom.” Yuuri gulped.

“Then, I got a warning about attendance and mine was too low and I wasn't allowed to take the finals and I couldn't get me- a meeting with the counselor about what happened and I didn't know what to do!” Yuuri ducked his head down, suddenly aware of how loud he had gotten.

The room's air, once warm and content, became a thick fog. Sticky and messy. Yuuri’s hot, wet cheeks didn't help this gross feeling. _When did I start crying?_ He removed his glasses then wiped at his cheeks with the corner of his shoulder's sleeve. Cleaning his glasses on the 'right' fabric wasn't the biggest concern when Yuuri had no idea how his family were reacting to the news. Smudges spread over the lenses, then wiped away with the cotton of his shirt.

When Yuuri brought his head back up, his mom was smiling. Dad, too. _Why are they smiling? Do I need to clean my glasses again?_

“Listen, Yuuri,” Mari began. Her gaze was on the table as she spoke, almost spacing out to think of the right words to say. “You actually went to college. And not just some college here, but one in the US. Don't feel bad about- I think you're being too hard on yourself?”

Yuuri noticed she wasn't smiling like their parents were. Her face was more... _She’s so hard to read, I can't tell._

“But I flunked. I- we spent all that money on me getting to a school in a America and now, I probably can't even go back. It was all a waste.”

“So?” Mari’s voice was louder. “You got there in the first place and that's like, huge on its own. Just because you didn't get the best grades doesn't mean you're a failure. I never even went to community college.”

“Is there anything we can do? Maybe email the counselor or…your professors?” his mother asked, still smiling.

_Why is she still smiling? Didn't she hear me? I failed. I can't possibly email my professors; they're probably pissed I bailed on all their classes and didn't take the finals. Who would want to take someone like me back into their school? How am I supposed to be a vet animal specialist whatever if I can't even get out of bed everyday?_

While Yuuri let his thoughts spiral, his parents had discussed options and Mari started clearing the table with an uncomfortably blank face. Yuuri stood up and grabbed some bowls to help, but Mari shot him a glare, cold and so unlike the game they'd played earlier.

“Don't worry about it. They're still talking to you, anyway,” Mari spoke bitterly under her breath, then turned to enter the kitchen.

_Is she mad at me? God, I’m so stupid. I must have said something to upset her. Why did I have to tell them?_

Yuuri cleared his throat and interrupted whatever his mom and dad had been saying, “I can't go back. I'm…” _This is it. Just tell them the truth, Yuuri._ “I'm dropping out. I'll do something else, I guess.”

Without allowing a beat for his parents to react, Yuuri turned and entered the kitchen. Mari stood over the sink, scrubbing one of their family’s decorative bowls. Those were only used for special occasions or special guests. Yuuri just noticed those were the ones used for their dinner. _Oh right. Minako mentioned a welcome home party. Was this it? Guess I ruined that too._

Atop the first counter in the kitchen, a mini chalkboard sat humbly with each person’s schedule to maintain the inn. Yuuri’s name wasn't written on there anymore. It made sense, but twisted the ever-tangling knot in his gut. This meant his usual share of work would go to Mari. Yuuri greeted her quietly, hands held behind his back, waiting to see if she was still upset.

“Not now, Yuuri.”

 _She's still upset._ He stepped near the sink and peered in, hoping there were still dishes that needed scrubbing so he could help. Mari had cleaned them all and set them on their rack to dry. Yuuri looked up at her and saw she was halfway out the door leading outside to the hot springs, a cigarette freshly tucked between her teeth. Mari stopped before closing the door behind her.

“We...we can talk later. Just not now. I'm not mad, I...I have work to do and there's a party waiting for you at the beach.” She smiled dolefully, the cigarette in her mouth was hugged between her lips. "Be a shame to miss a party just for you, Yuuri."

Yuuri nodded and watched her leave. His sister had always worked with no interruptions or complaints. He hoped being home wouldn't mess with her schedule. Or her happiness. He’d been so glad to see Mari after two years of nothing but phone calls. Even on those phone calls, they hadn't talked about much other than Vicchan. Mari cared about him, too. That dog brought the siblings together and for all Yuuri thought about, the relationship he had with his sister being affected by Vicchan being gone hadn't crossed his mind.

There wasn't much he felt he could do now except attend this ‘beach party’ Mari mentioned. _I should apologize to my parents first for, well. Everything._

Hiroko and Toshiya weren't at the table when Yuuri left the kitchen. Their table was cleared and new guests flowed into the room like a current. He spotted Minako in front of the TV in the corner with what looked like her seventh beer. He’d forgotten what her max number was before she started spouting nonsense. _Probably more than seven, especially when competing against my dad._ Minako was a heavy weight champ, so Yuuri had a feeling she'd be fine to talk to.

“Minako-sensei, have you seen my mom or dad? I need to speak with them.”

The dance teacher craned her neck around to find where Yuuri’s voice came from. Minako's favorite hockey team was playing with the volume cranked high, so Yuuri assumed she hadn't heard him clearly. He tried again, closer to her ear, but ended up scaring the shit out of her.

“YUURI!” She put a hand to her chest, with grace as usual. Minako was always one for the dramatics. “You can't keep doing that, Yuuri. With my age I'll have a heart attack,” she sighed and turned to face him. “Uh what was it that you needed?”

“Sorry! I can't find my mom and dad, but I need to speak with them.”

She frowned, “Didn't you already talk over dinner? Is everything alright?”

Just as Minako replied, Yuuri located his mom across the room seating a few guests. He shouldn't disturb her.

“Your father is tending the bar, so unless you need a drink,” Minako turned back to the screen and ran her fingers through her hair, tying it up into a loose ponytail, “it'd be best to talk to them later.”

Yuuri scoffed, “I might need one before going down to the beach...By the way, um. Do you know anything about my welcome party being there? Mari kinda mentioned it, but uh I. I don't know where it is or when?”

She tightened the elastic around her hair and filled him in on the details. Yuuko, his childhood friend, planned the party. Takeshi would be there, too, of course. Three is called a crowd but a party? No, a party is way more than that. There’d be more people there, and it sent a nervous buzz through Yuuri’s whole body. _A drink sounds nice right about now._

Yuuri approached his dad’s bar counter with his eyes down. An apology came first from his lips, then a request for a drink. He traced the swirls in the red wood's grain on the counter with his finger, not daring to look his dad in the eye.

Toshiya batted at his hand with a chuckle, “Don't apologize, Yuuri.” He reached under a cabinet for a glass, then continued. “If you think it's the best decision, we’ll support you.”

Three shot glasses clinked on the counter and Toshiya filled each cup with clear liquid. Yuuri looked down at the shots, then back up at his dad's smile wrinkled face. _My dad is fucking with me, he has to be. I'm not drinking that much tonight._ A bewildered expression showed on his face and Toshiya explained.

“One for me, one for you, and one for the night. Drink what you need. For good luck,” Toshiya answered his silent question with a wink.

 _What do I have to lose?_ Yuuri downed two of the shots and made his way to the door, uttering a small thanks.

~

The massive bonfire could be seen from the inn’s entrance, perhaps for an even longer distance. He recognized Yuuko and Takeshi tending the flames, then saw a few faces he couldn't match a name to. Excluding Yuuko and her husband, there were eight girls and seven guys on the beach, all dancing and laughing in rhythm with the music.

Yuuri involuntarily walked in sync with the music's earth-shaking beat. The song’s bass seemed to follow Yuuri’s heart beat and he allowed the music to fill every cell in his body. Dancing was the quickest way to lighten the heart's load, after all. If sulking in a corner the whole evening got boring, he knew other plans to ease his mind.

Takeshi was the first to notice Yuuri walking down the sandy slopes toward the bonfire, so he tapped Yuuko’s shoulder to call her attention toward their special guest arriving. Her face lit up like the fire before her and she sprinted across the beach to meet Yuuri, kicking up clouds in the sand as she ran. Yuuri could expect Yuuko to be her usual excitable self, but wasn't expecting her to jump-hug him. Yuuri laughed as he caught her, tripping on the uneven path. Takeshi snuck up to hug the two from behind, then picked them both up in his arms.

In almost perfect sync, the couple shouted into the air, “WELCOME HOME, YUURI!”

Yuuri blushed a dusty pink, feeling embarrassed yet proud. _Had Yuuko and Takeshi really missed me this much? I thought they'd forgotten about me. No. They're too sweet to do something like that._ He squirmed, still squashed together by his friends. Takeshi’s hands were grabbing right around his love handles - _what a shitty name_ \- and it simultaneously made Yuuri uncomfortable and tickled.

“Aw, Yuuri’s still ticklish here!” Takeshi laughed as he set both his wife and Yuuri down. “Sorry to tease you when you're just getting back home, but I guess it's what I do best.”

Yuuko smiled up at her husband and giggled. _They haven't changed much, I guess._

“And sorry for jumping on you, Yuu-chan. We heard you were coming back to visit and thought a welcome home party would be perfect. I'm so glad to see you. The others are too!”

Yuuri couldn't do anything but take the sight of them in with his eyes. The Nishigoris looked the same. Takeshi now sported a beer belly, similar to his own belly caused by nervous overeating. Yuuko’s spirit has never changed through the years and most likely never will. She looked less exhausted than when he’d seen Yuuko before. Her triplets were in their “terrible-two’s” the last time Yuuri was in Hasetsu, but that was three years ago. _Fuck, they're gonna be turning six soon, how could I not remember. I can't believe it's been this long. They're gonna look so grown up._

“So how've you been, Yuuri? You seem tired.”

“No, no I’m fine,” he lied.

“It's okay if the jetlag is getting you. We’re so sorry for not keeping in touch. My girls have kept me so busy and Takeshi got a new job just a few months ago. Do you wanna see a recent picture of the triplets?”

Yuuri smiled, assuring her it was okay and he'd rather see how big they've gotten in person. The fault should mostly be his, anyway for not even bothering to keep in touch since he left for university.

“Alright, enough small talk. I think we should rejoin the party.” Takeshi put his arm around Yuuri’s shoulder and began guiding the three of them towards the festivities lit up by torches, the bonfire, and the rising moon. “We’re glad to have you back, buddy.”

Fear crept back into Yuuri’s system as they walked back to the bonfire. On their way, Yuuko explained most of the guests were old classmates they all shared, although Yuuri could only recognize five or six of them. He’d assumed his older self wouldn't have the confidence to attend a high school reunion, so Yuuri hadn't bothered to keep contact with people he grew up with at school aside from Yuuko and Takeshi. Even with his two closest childhood friends, he guessed he hadn't much success keeping up with them. Life would move too fast for Yuuri to catch up with old flames or old friends, let alone catch up with his school work.

Two girls approached him, carrying glasses and a wine cooler. One of them had a honey blond bob - Momoko, Yuuri thought her name was - and the other had black, swishing hair in a long ponytail behind her back. Ponytail girl's name completely slipped his mind, and Yuuri even wondered if they'd ever met before. He was right about Momoko’s name and the other was Aiko, her girlfriend tagging along to the party. He thanked any god he could think of that he hadn't just forgotten another name, but that this was their first time meeting. _Why is greeting people so stressful?_

Aiko passed a flute to Yuuri, apologizing for not waiting to open one of the bottles. “It slipped my mind that we were waiting for you to get here before we opened any of the champagne. I am sooo so sorry, Yuuri. I promise we left the biggest bottle alone for you to pop,” Aiko smiled as she spoke, creating a comforting aura around her.

Momoko signed to her girlfriend, making Aiko blush and her eyes crinkle. Yuuri wished he could have taken JSL to contribute to their conversation. He hoped he wasn't being rude if he asked to translate. Momoko’s blond bob drooped as she bent down to open the wine cooler and pull out the largest champagne bottle Yuuri had ever seen.

“Wow…” the words fell from Yuuri’s lips. _This huge thing for me? Fuck, this must have been expensive…_ “I don't deserve something like this, it's so much.”

The blonde bobbed girl shook her head and signed a long phrase. Aiko immediately translated Momoko’s words.

“Momo said that's BS and like, you deserve to pop the champagne at your own party. From what we heard, you came back to visit from a school in America! That's sooo exciting and you should be super proud.”

Momoko handed Yuuri the bottle, then motioned for everyone to gather around the bonfire. More faces Yuuri didn't recognize came into view, and his heart started pumping faster. _Shit! I've never popped champagne before and not in front of a bunch of people either. Couldn't be too hard, right? What if I mess it up?_

Yuuri felt so...visible. The fire’s orange glows were too bright, too hot on his skin. There weren't any good places to slowly sneak away, undetected. Every eye was on him. _I should be proud. I went to a school in America! They don't know I accomplished nothing. Stayed in bed most of the second semester this year and ruined everything._ It might as well have been broad daylight with how transparent Yuuri felt, like every eye was a magnifying glass capturing a beam of light and aiming at him. They were going to melt his skin and bore holes in his body. He felt so hot, the bottle could have melted in his hands.

“Sorry, uh. I need a minute, um to cool off,” Yuuri said, setting the bottle down in the sand and walking toward the shore.

Yuuko’s head turned as he got up, and she asked if he was alright. _Maybe if I don't answer, she’ll think I didn't hear her and I can be left alone._ That worked, but it churned his stomach, preparing the soup of the day, Guilt Stew. He heard a few more voices calling his name, but had to shut them out. Music still played heavily behind Yuuri, creating a barrier between the party and himself. _I don't deserve this much if I've done nothing to make anyone proud. I don't deserve their company. Not now._

He crouched by the water and watched it climb up the moist sand to reach his toes. The sea foam stretched like fingers grasping at the shoreline to get higher and higher with each wave. It reminded Yuuri of Yuuko’s little girls grabbing at his legs and hands to be lifted up in the air. He didn't know if he was still strong enough to carry all three of them anymore. Yuuri looked down at his body, chubby from his diet, the Mental Illness Meal Plan. It featured delicious, low calorie snacks like lying around in bed all day and hearty meals such as binge eating your feelings out. _I'm so pathetic. I really let myself go, haven't I…_

Yuuri pulled up his legs to his chest, sighing as he sunk further into the sand. His toes squished and rolled the sand over. A therapist - maybe Dr. O’Connor? - taught Yuuri about the grounding technique for dissociating. _I'm not dissociating though, am I? This body is mine but...I think I’m somewhere else._ He loosened the grip of his arms around his legs to squeeze the moist sand with his fingers. _Yeah, this is grounding_ , Yuuri thought. _This is what I need._

There was a soft, salty breeze sitting this close to the shore. He closed his eyes to focus on it. Yuuri always loved the wind in his hair, whether it was from skating fast, soaring in the air when doing grand jetes, or standing by the unfurling waves of the sea.

“No thinking right now,” Yuuri reminded himself. “Just feel.”

 _Where was I? Right._ Salty breeze. Soft sand. Cool water. Small waves lapping at his feet. Almost like a dog’s tongue. Vicchan used to lick at his toes to get his attention. Yuuri would wiggle each one and laugh when his dog got excited. _He was so silly sometimes._ Digging and wiggling his toes deeper in the sand, Yuuri huffed a short laugh. _I’m so lame. Why am I thinking about him right now. Fucking...everytime I close my eyes, I see him._ Yuuri opened his eyes and stood up, batting off the clumps of sand clinging to his clothes.

 _No more thinking,_ Yuuri declared in his head. He turned his back to the ocean and strode towards the bonfire once more. His fists were clenched and shoulders back, forcing an uncomfortable straight back and tight smile. Yuuko expressed her concern about him leaving, then her understanding if he needed space. He shook his head and faced the crowd, gathering back around him and the fire.

“Let’s pop that champagne,” Yuuri suggested, voice firm and body straight as a pin.

Aiko and Momo brought the bottle over to him, stepping over the sand with grace. They presented the bottle as if it were a royal crown, and Yuuri was about to be officiated as king. _What a celebration...I'm glad Yuuko and Takeshi put this together. Momo and Aiko are sweet, too, for being so friendly even though they don't know me as well. Not the perfect scene for me, but this is sweet and. It would be rude to refuse a party thrown just for me._

Yuuko motioned over a remaining group of people dancing to come watch. Takeshi slipped his arm around his wife's shoulders, then the couple prepared their phones to record and take pictures. Yuuri gulped as he accepted the bottle from Momoko with a half hearted smile. The red tab on the wrapped top of the champagne was broken.

“How do you get this gold shit off?” Yuuri asked under his breath, fumbling with the wrapper.

Laughter dispersed through the small crowd around Yuuri, then Aiko and a boy he couldn't name stepped forward to fumble with it also. The boy huffed and tucked his neck-length dark hair behind his ear, then grabbed the bottle from Aiko and Yuuri. He bit a corner of the wrapping with his teeth and pulled the rest off, smirking childishly. _Why’d he have to use his teeth? I hate when people do that...Oh well. It worked at least._

“Uh, thanks,” Yuuri tried a smile.

No response. The boy already rejoined the crowd of blurred, but familiar faces. _All around me are familiar faces...Stop that, Yuuri._ Momoko was passed a white cloth by another person from the crowd, then passed it to Yuuri.

Yuuko interrupted him twisting the cork with the cloth, “Wait, Yuuri,” she smoothed the top of his shirt with one hand, holding her phone in the other. “Okay, looks good. Now!”

Yuuri couldn't wait any longer. He needed another drink to get through the rest of the evening. Maybe two, or four. _Well, here goes._

A crisp pop sounded, then was drowned out by cheers, some bubbly or slurred and others clear as bells. Fizz sprouted from the top like a fast motion flower evolving into full bloom. Foam spilled over, a few drops getting on Yuuri’s feet and the sand below. Yuuri gasped at how cold it was on his toes as Momoko rushed over a few more flutes to catch the falling liquid.

He poured two glasses, both delivered to Yuuko and Takeshi. Another two for another couple in the crowd. Aiko insisted she’d had enough, and Momoko signed (with her girlfriend translating) that she was a designated driver for their group.

Yuuko only had a sip of hers before handing it to her husband, begging Yuuri to pose for more pictures. He jokingly pulled the whole bottle up to his lips, then not-so-jokingly decided to actually drink from it. Three quarters of the bottle was left, and most people there already had a few drinks. _For the night, I guess._

“Oh my god,” Yuuko exclaimed, switching from camera to video record on her phone.

~

At some point in the night, Yuuri crossed the line between buzzed from nerves and buzzed from alcohol. Then, the line was erased, danced across in the sand and forgotten altogether.

Yuuri's pulse was an echo to the music, repeating and emphasizing its charms and poetry through his body. Moving across the sand was difficult, especially for the party goers intoxicated by the drinks and the thrill of the night itself. However, dancing was second nature to Yuuri, and the earth became a part of him when he moved. Even if it was jamming to last decade’s greatest hits or high school musical, Yuuri became a star burning brighter than the dying bonfire. Some meme-loving fuck decided playing “Never Gonna Give You Up Darude Sandstorm Remix” was a good idea, and the fun-loving fuck side of Yuuri had no choice but to agree.

The champagne reached its end, but Yuuri held his grip tight on the neck of the bottle, using the spout as a microphone and the sand as his stage. Voices followed Yuuri in chanting, "To the night!" before more flutes clinked and more songs played. Faces blurred into the background and there was only music.

The lights of the party seemed so far away and Yuuri felt dizzy. A faint tune continued to play in his ear, and another party trick had to be pulled out of his sleeve. Yuuri began moonwalking to impress anyone who could still be watching, but the world shifted upside down and he tripped in a small ditch in the sand. He tried laughing it off, but the fall stole the breath from his lungs. Blurry duplicate shapes melded into a clearer view when he blinked his eyes.

 _Wait, what happened? Are those my feet?_ Yuuri wiggled his toes, propped up above him on a sand pile. _Yessss, those are mine. Feet and toes. Toes and feet. My tooooessss. Toes, toes, toes._ His breath returned slowly, and Yuuri gasped. _What if I lost one of my toes when I fell? I have to find them!_ The man got on his hands and knees to search in the sand.

Music played like an old memory in the distance, and Yuuri could barely see the bonfire from where he had wandered. Finding Yuuko, Takeshi, and the others were hadn't crossed Yuuri’s mind because making sure he had all ten toes was more important. He dug deeper in the sand, particles getting caught under his fingernails. _Toes, toes._

Suddenly, Yuuri felt something like skin, but a lot smoother than his. _A foot?_ _Two feet!_ Yuuri dove on top of them with desperate, grabby hands then heard an “Oof!”

He looked up and before him was the most ethereal being he'd ever seen. _I grabbed the feet of an angel?_ Yuuri gazed up at the gorgeous man. He was well-built, shirtless - _wooow I hope I’m not drooling -_ and wore long whitish, silvery hair that reached below his waist. _Wait, he's not wearing pants either._

A vintage-looking patterned fabric draped over his hips and legs. It didn't offer much coverage, but Yuuri had manners, even while drunk, and tried not to stare. Yuuri felt his face heat up when his eyes reached the man's face. _Why is this beautiful man just standing there? Almost naked?! This must be some kind of dream...one with handsome angels for me to embarrass myself in front of._

The man spoke in a concerned, but amused tone in a language Yuuri couldn't comprehend. Whether that was because he was too drunk to understand or the man was just saying words in a language Yuuri wasn't fluent in, he had no idea. What breath he got back from falling, the man took away and Yuuri was speechless.

Yuuri realized he was still on the man’s feet, then stumbled off quickly. The man seemed to stumble, too and fell in the sand with Yuuri, erupting with a fit of laughs. Yuuri sat face-to-face with the angel, noting how pretty his eyes were up close. _Sparkling blue, like the ocean’s rippling surface on a full moon’s night. Or other things you'd find in cheesy poetry. Blue orbs or some shit. Wait, fuck did I say that out loud?_ He didn't seem to understand the words Yuuri spoke anyway.

The man grabbed Yuuri’s feet and looked at him expectantly, as if this were a normal greeting. He felt each individual toe, poking at Yuuri’s ticklish spots. Giggling, Yuuri batted away the man’s hands, telling him to stop. _He’s so cute but why does he want my toes? Is it because I grabbed his? Does he want revenge?_ Yuuri couldn't think straight. _Hah. Straight.…..because I’m gay...stop, Yuuri._

The man in front of him, smiled with his eyes wide. He wouldn't stop looking at Yuuri with that same intrigued expression. _Was he at the bonfire? Did he drink like I did? How much did I even drink? If it was a lot, then this man can't be real. Just some figure of my imagination. My wild, intoxicated, gay imagination._

Spontaneity struck Yuuri and he leaned forward to touch the man's face to see if he was real. Yuuri brought his finger to the man's nose and poked curiously, then again with amusement. Cheekbones were high on his face and his skin was so soft, Yuuri was in awe as he delicately touched his face. The man stopped smiling. His eyebrows pulled together, puzzled with Yuuri's proding. Some part of his expression also said that he, too, wondered if Yuuri was real.

_His face is too beautiful to be confused, why is he confused? Or is he upset?_

Long silver hair swooped down in front of the man's face and lied across his shoulders, chest, and back in tangled, wispy clouds. Yuuri tucked it behind his ear to get a better look at his face. The man leaned forward and reached his fingers out to touch Yuuri’s hair, too, but paused for an approval first. Yuuri nodded tentatively. He chose a lock of hair and played with it, a smile blooming back on his face. His eyes lit up when Yuuri blushed at the touch, so he moved to Yuuri's cheeks. The man repeated what Yuuri had done and touched the tip of his flat nose, then caressed Yuuri's cheeks with the lightest touch. Yuuri had scrapped the idea that this was a dream entirely because whatever was happening seemed like heaven. 

_Did I die? Is this the angel taking me to heaven?_

The man was fascinated with Yuuri's face, touching and whispering affectionate sounding words in another language Yuuri couldn't follow. Yuuri only knew Japanese, English, and how to converse in basic Thai. He wondered if they could still communicate. Yuuri pointed to himself and said his name, hoping the man would understand.

“Yuuuuuri,” the man repeated, drawing out the ‘u’ in his name to test it out.

He nodded, blushing at how cute the other man was. _Fuck, I’m so so so gay. I wonder if he’d be interested? Probably no one as beautiful as him would ever want a weird, toe-grabbing loser like me. What am I thinking? I don't even know this person’s name._

Yuuri sighed, “I uh, hope I’m not making you uncomfortable? I don't even remember where I am. Or what I’m doing here…I’m sorry.”

The man frowned, noticing Yuuri’s change in mood. He let go of Yuuri’s face and offered a few locks of his hair for him to touch. Silvery strands mixed with pale greys and whites made up the hair, and Yuuri gasped at the sight up close. His hair seemed to glow in the moonlight.

 _That's what his hair looks like! The moon! The moon is in your hair, angel_.

He must have said the last part out loud in some godawful flirty tone because the man turned a shade of pink and his eyes sparkled. Yuuri forgot what embarrassment was then and would do anything, even spout cliche poetry if it made this man smile.

Yuuri shakily got up on his feet and extended his hand to the stranger sitting beside him. He wondered when the last time he partner danced with someone was, but that didn't matter to Yuuri. _To the night!_ , he declared, not caring if those words were in his head or said aloud. The man peered up at him with excited eyes and took his hand, but discovered he didn't know what to do with it. Yuuri laughed, free and easy as if they'd known each other for years and this was one of their many inside jokes.

He pulled the man up, and both were surprised at Yuuri's strength. _Funny, how a drink or ten can make you forget how strong you are._ The man must have had something to drink, too because of the way he stumbled. He gripped Yuuri's hands tight, relying on them solely as he adjusted his legs like a new born lanky horse.

Despite his uneasiness on his feet, the man held his head high and had graceful fluidity with every other part of his body. Yuuri wanted nothing more than to dance with him, or at least teach him how to dance. Yuuri'd wandered too far from the bonfire to hear music anymore, but Yuuri knew the waves crashing on the shore could be a symphony on its own. A dancer's job was to feel the music, not just hear, and become a part of every sound, whatever the sounds may be.

Yuuri guided the man's hands to his sides and stepped back, hoping that the man would understand he was to watch Yuuri first. He started with a simple balancé, counting in threes as he demonstrated.

Yuuri gestured for the man to try, but seeing how unstable he was on his feet, Yuuri held his hands to steady him. Determined eyes met Yuuri's face and the man executed it perfectly, with poise and elegance that'd make Minako shed a tear.

_If he can't walk, how can he dance?_

The man did it again and again, picking up tempo to a normal waltz's pace. Still holding hands, Yuuri joined in the balancés, adding arms when he felt the other man was comfortable. It was pure magic, the balls of their bare feet pressing into the sand and closing the space between their bodies in rhythm of the ocean's song.

As the full moon rose behind them, Yuuri took a chance and spun the man around, only for the two of them to crash. Wind strengthened and blew silvery hair into their faces. The man laughed as he lost his footing, dizzy from Yuuri's whirling, and sat back down on the sand with a soft thud. Yuuri crossed his legs to spin out of them and land beside the man with a charming finish. Captivated blue eyes watched him, and Yuuri had to suppress the thought of just climbing into the man's lap and kissing him, as tempting as it was.

For a moment, they just looked at each other. There was no studying the other's features, trying to understand the difference between a dream and reality. This, whatever it was, felt as real as it could get. Yuuri was scared he'd close his eyes for a second and forget what this stranger looked like. The cloud-like, silvery locks that felt as soft as they looked, the shining blue eyes watching his every move with interest and wonder, and his alluring dance.

 _Was he still a stranger? He didn't even know the man's name, yes, he was a stranger._ Their evening together felt like only a few minutes long, but at the same time alluded to some unremembered connection within a dream Yuuri had as a child. Yuuri would save the prince with a dazzling smile, share a dance, then whisk him off on a horse riding into the sunset. _Was this that same man from his dreams? Was this real? I have to know his name._

Before Yuuri could gesture for the man to introduce himself, the man pulled off the glasses askew on his nose. Yuuri hadn’t noticed they were crooked this whole time and felt incredibly foolish. He examined them with the wildest curiosity, as if he'd never seen such a thing in his life. _I know tourists can be stupid, but this guy can’t be a tourist. He’s not even wearing a shirt..._

His chest was pale like the rest of his skin, but the freckles scattered across glistened like glitter. There were so many, and Yuuri felt the urge to count them all by tracing his finger over each one. Like tracing a star map and connecting the constellations. _Okay, Yuuri, stop staring again._ The man truly was ethereal, and his aura was calm like the ocean itself.

A blinding white streak flashed down from the sky with a booming rumble to follow. The sky, now a deep grey, swirled over the ocean and its shoreline. Rain fell in a faint drizzle, poking tiny holes in the sand.

Without thinking, Yuuri removed his shirt and used it as a cover for the man beside him. He was trembling, clearly shaken from the lightning and thunder, but still curious. The man peeked out from under Yuuri’s shirt-turned-umbrella and admired the droplets falling from the clouds. In one hand was Yuuri’s pair of glasses while the other extended out, palm facing up to catch the rain. _How is he so cute, oh my god...focus, Yuuri. We need to find shelter so I can help this man._

The bonfire had long since died and the storm mixed with fog made the beach a hazy mess to navigate. Yuuri grabbed the man’s free hand and supported their makeshift umbrella with his right hand. The man’s grip on Yuuri’s hand was firm and he nodded at Yuuri with understanding, then lifted the other side of the shirt to cover them both. The two trudged through the wet sand together, their joined hands filling each other with reassurance.

Another bright flash followed by roaring claps of thunder made Yuuri and the other man jump, frightened. The rain fell harder every minute. It pelted the men’s legs and sloshed the sand, deepening ditches and loosening the path. Their pace had to slow so each step could be taken with caution.

Voices from on the other side of the beach blended in with the crashing rain. Gusts of harsh, wet wind swept Yuuri and the silver haired man back like a broom brushing away dust bunnies. Yuuri’s shirt billowed with the fierce winds, then flew into the air to be sucked up by the terrifying storm. Defenseless and vulnerable, the two men had nothing to lose.

Their hands found each other’s shoulders and held tight as they hastened to follow the voices. Yuuri slipped on the slick sand and tumbled, face first into the ground, pulling the other man down with him.

“I’m so so sorry,” Yuuri tried to speak, but the crackling in the sky beat his voice out. “Are you okay?!” Yuuri yelled, this time, but to no avail.

The man ducked under Yuuri’s arms and sought out the shelter in his chest. _I wish I could do more to help you. I’m so sorry I’m not enough..._ Yuuri turned his back to the biting wind and shielded the man in his lap the best he could.

“It will be okay! I’m...I’m here!” Yuuri shouted to the wind, pulling the man closer to the safety of his arms.

Silver strands of hair whipped around in the wind like the terrifying storm brewing above them. Yuuri smoothed his hand down the man’s head and back, hushing and cooing away the fear. The man had broad shoulders and was a few inches taller than Yuuri, but seemed so small and fragile in his arms. Yuuri kept his eyes on the man’s hair, glowing like stars in the darkest of nights.

Rain pelted Yuuri’s bare shoulders like bullets and his spine cried out from hunching over. All he could do was cling onto the man and hope help would come soon. Eventually, Yuuri’s tired eyes shut and the whole world went _black_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on tumblr: http://mermaidmusicbox.tumblr.com/  
> or follow my yoi sideblog: http://makkabean.tumblr.com/
> 
> please leave a comment and/or kudos if you have the time ♡
> 
> EDIT: just got moved in! unpacking and rehearsal takes my top priorities so until next time <3


	3. where two tides meet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri wakes up and attempts to fix the mess of the night previous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy yoiniversary!! this chapter has been in the works for over almost 2 months, and I'm sorry it took this long to update. if you'd like the long version of why I was absent, feel free to hit me up on tumblr (@mermaidmusicbox) for the long version but I'll provide the short version here: concussion, mental health, new school, etc. pretty much just a long series of really unfortunate events welp. 
> 
> this chapter is extremely long, both to make up for the lack of updates recently and the fact that I'd feel bad cutting this chapter off at any other point than where I ended it. I'm glad I was able to post on today of all days, too (the yoiniversary). yoi came to me during a dark period of my life and helped me love myself and find inspiration in dance again. I hope you enjoy reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it.
> 
> (btw, translations for victor's dialogue are not included on purpose since the story is from yuuri's pov)
> 
> 10/10/17 update: the ending of this chapter felt rushed and didn't make sense to me, so I rewrote that bit and added more of main plot info!

A calm breeze, light and tickling. Seagulls calling in the distance. A delicate breath on his neck. Warmth of someone held close. Too warm, hot. Suffocating, too close, too fast. A rush. Too much! Pounding heart, pounding rain. Suddenly, the sensations became too much. A thumping on Yuuri’s arm startled him awake and forced his diaphragm to spasm with hiccups. Yuuri tried to wipe his wet face so he could see, but his body was suddenly lifted. Arms on either side carried Yuuri to his feet. 

Rain continued to fall, although less heavily than before. His vision was cloudy and moist. Yuuri blinked several times to clear it away, but he still couldn’t see well. Relying only on his hearing, two voices became apparent among his hiccups. The rain was a white noise in the background of... _Yuuko? Takeshi, is that you, too?_ Another hiccup. His feet dragged in the damp sand, collecting at his bare heels then clumping in with the rest of the sand lying in his path. 

Yuuri felt something small in the ball of his right fist, but focus bobbed in and out of his head like a buoy floating on shaky waves. His wrists dangled as his body was carried in the light rain. He didn’t know what he was holding, but Yuuri held his grip tight enough to keep hold of the item. It felt hard and round, a bit moist from Yuuri’s nervous and sweaty hand. Whatever it was, it felt strangely important. He gripped tighter.

His shoulders became sore, and the mere idea of trying to keep his eyes open exhausted Yuuri. He couldn’t see anyway. Yuuri’s eyes burned for a split second as he closed them. Darkness returned, followed by rest.

~

Yuuri didn’t remember what happened next when he woke, thinking it all to be an alcohol-induced dream state where losing yourself in the sand and sea meant you’d meet a handsome stranger. His shoulders felt sore from being carried home from the beach, so he at least knew that was real. 

Cool bed sheets were tangled at Yuuri’s feet and draping off the edge of the bed frame, onto the floor. _Rough night, huh, Yuuri?_ Still in his hand from last night was the small round something. Yuuri unwrapped his fingers around it, revealing a perfectly spherical and shiny pearl. _What the hell…_

He fiddled with the pearl, observing the light from his bedroom window casting shadows on it. _Where did this even come from?_ Spooked, Yuuri set the pearl down on his pillow, wondering if it'd disappear if he looked away. He turned his head the other way, then glanced back. _Nope, it's still there. It's real._ Yuuri picked it back up again and kept it in his hand to play with. _What are the chances of a pearl showing up after a storm?_ He gripped the pearl tighter then, making a silent promise to never lose it. Wherever it came from, it was a puzzle piece to help him recollect what happened last night. 

Yuuri sat up and dangled his legs over the side of the bed to get the blood rushing back in his feet. He noticed he was wearing pajamas. _What? When did I change clothes?_ Yuuri reached behind the headboard, patting the top of his suitcase, looking for his glasses. 

“The hell? Where are they?” Yuuri’s voice sounded like a rock dragged across concrete. “Shit shit shit..”

He scrambled to get up and started tearing at his bedsheets. _Maybe they fell under the bed?_ Yuuri ducked his head under the bed frame to see if his glasses got pushed there in the night, but had no luck finding them. He had worse luck getting back up when the back of his head conked loudly against the bedframe.

“SON OF A-!”

“Yuuri?”, Mari spoke through his door. “You okay?”

Yuuri replied with a gravelly groan and he grabbed the back of his head in pain. _Great way to start the morning…_

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine,” he said, opening his door. “I just can't find my glasses. Do you know where they are?”

Mari shrugged and suggested asking Yuuko down at the marina since she and Takeshi were the ones who dragged him home. _So that did happen. What else happened? Do they know about the man I saw?_

“Yuuko dropped your phone off here this morning, so you can pick that up downstairs.”

Yuuri grumbled his thanks in a congested voice. 

“You sound like shit, little bro.”

 _I feel like shit, too,_ he thought. 

“I think you have a cold from passing out drunk in the rain last night,” Mari commented, smirking and amused. “Get some tea before going anywhere, ‘kay? Mom has some chores for you later.”

Yuuri nodded, confused as to why Mari was minimizing the massive storm of last night to just…”rain”. _She probably didn't see how bad it was. Who could have? It was a mess outside, I could barely see a thing. Still, that's weird._

_~_

After changing out of pajamas, Yuuri slipped on a loose jacket with long enough sleeves to feel warm and secure, a great article of clothing for sick days. He padded out into the dining area in thick black socks to cover his cold feet. His mind went on autopilot for a moment, muscle memory of his and Phichit’s kitchen back at university trying to override the inn’s kitchen. Yuuri stopped himself before running into another wall where the door to his old kitchen used to be, back in New York. 

_Shit, I must be sick if I'm crashing into stuff_ , Yuuri thought, shaking his head. The morning rush of customers at the inn seemed too much for Yuuri. He brought his phone, the pearl, and a mug of white tea upstairs as he returned to his room, wondering how Phichit was doing. 

“17 missed calls and 9 voicemails?!” Yuuri gulped. 

_I didn't tell him I arrived safely._ _I hope he's not worried._ Yuuri sat at his old desk and pressed Phichit’s name on his screen. After a ring and a half, Phichit picked up the returned call. 

“Yuuri! You're alive,” his roommate joked with a laugh. “I hadn't heard from you, so naturally, I thought you were dead, haha. I'm glad you're okay. ”

“Wait, you know about the hurricane last night?”

“....What hurricane? Yuuri, I was just joking about the death thing, you know? I didn't know if you made it home alright, but I didn't hear about any storm.”

“What? It was huge! I was drunk and Phichit, I thought I was going to die!”

Phichit explained he simply was concerned about not hearing if Yuuri made it to the inn safely after his plane landed, and that he hadn’t heard of any monsoon to hit his area. His roommate requested they switch to video call since he missed Yuuri’s face, and claimed his “gravelly sick voice didn't do him justice”.

“That’s better!” Phichit adjusted his phone’s position for lighting, then shuffled on his bed to get comfy. “Anyway, I saw a picture Yuuko tagged you in on insta last night and I assumed you were alright, but what hurricane? I'm pretty sure that'd be on the news here. Are you alright?”

“I mean, I think so? I feel sick and sore all over, though.”

Phichit laughed and his eyes widened, “Oh my god. How much did you drink? I hope someone took videos.”

“No, no it wasn't like that,” Yuuri dismissed, sipping his tea. “Fuck, dude, I can't even remember how much I drank.” He laid down the mug and continued, ”I mean, that's not the point. Like, there was a huge storm! I was with this man and I swear, I thought we were going to be swept up into it. I thought I was going to die. I can't have imagined it, I have scrapes all over.”

“What the hell?”, Phichit breathed incredulously. “That's...really strange. Did anyone else see the storm?”

“I don't know. Mari mentioned rain last night, but you'd think if it was a hurricane, she’d call it a hurricane. I guess I’ll ask Yuuko and Takeshi later when I see them.”

“Yeah, lemme know what you find, okay?”

Yuuri nodded, thankful that Phichit understood. Phichit felt he needed to steer the conversation to a more positive path.

“Now I'm really curious. You said you were with a _man_? Was he cute?”

Yuuri hid his blushing face in his tea, fumbling for words. If he was honest, he remembered very little of the man he met. Just that he was beautiful and had long, silvery hair, and ocean blue eyes. He was adorably curious, soft. Glowing almost. And that Yuuri grabbed the man’s feet like a drunk lunatic. Phichit laughed when Yuuri tried to explain the situation. Yuuri laughed, too at how impulsive and downright _weird_ he can be when he's drunk. 

"You must have at least had fun last night, right? You know, before the storm?” 

"I wish I could remember all the details but I also don't want to know how much I probably embarrassed myself" 

"Come on, Yuuri, you're a fun drunk. Albeit goofy and spontaneous. That’s what makes you the life of the party! Did you get that guy’s number?”

“Now that I think about it, Phi, I don't think he even spoke Japanese. Or if he knew any, he could have been too drunk to think of words to say. You know how tourists are.”

“Was he a tourist though? Like, who just shows up at a random beach party, uninvited?”

Yuuri stared back at Phichit, then shrugged, wanting to move on from the topic. It hurt a little talking about this “man of his dreams” that he’d never see again. He quietly began fitzing with the perfectly round pearl sat upon his desk.

Phichit spoke again, breaking the moment of silence for Yuuri’s dead love life. “Anyway, I only saw one picture from last night, so have Yuuko send you any more she took. I want pictures for our scrapbook, okay?”

Phichit is a good friend who’s always been there for Yuuri and supported his every step, but sometimes he can be fucking ridiculous. Especially when it came to social media and photography.

“No offense, Phichit, but I don’t think your scrapbook will work out this time. Save it for other memories or somethi-”

“But Yuuri!” his roommate interrupted, whining, “I already decorated the front saying ‘Best Friends Forever and Their Summer Together’. I can’t just fill it with pictures of me alone.”

Phichit planned to spend the vacation with Yuuri, but that was before, well...shit happened. Phi never blamed Yuuri for what went down, but still wanted to put memories in their scrapbook. Even if they were on separate sides of the world and Phichit had to photoshop his face into a few photos.

“Just a picture a day, and it can be anything! I’ll make some metaphor like ‘we spent it together because we’re in each other’s hearts or something,” Phichit offered.

Yuuri chuckled, then agreed. "Okay, I'll take a few today to make up for yesterday. It was just so…” he paused, trying to find a word that didn’t sound depressing. “Messy, coming back home, you know?" 

"Yeah I can see why. It’s okay if you don’t wanna talk about it.” Phichit suggested, always perfectly on cue reading Yuuri’s anxiety. “I have to go feed the hamsters, but call me if you need me, I’ll probably be online. Don't forget those pictures! My scrapbook will be so DEPRIVED of you, Yuuri” 

“You can just glue my face in or something. Make it a masterpiece” 

“But that’s only as a last resort, Yuuri, I want pictures of you, your family, and what I’ll be missing when you’re away. It can be like a friendship memory book thing. I’ll add pictures of my vacation, too.” 

“That’ll be really nice .I’ll try my best!” 

“Yuuri, wait, you have to promise that the photos you send me won't all be of katsudon.”

Friendly revenge blinked in Yuuri’s mind. He smiled and winked devilishly, just barely catching Phichit’s hilarious gasp before he hung up. Yuuri snickered to himself, relieved to be still on good enough terms with Phichit to joke with him. _Not that I think he’d be mad at me, though. Just worried. I should stop worrying people._

His thoughts drifted back to the storm, flashing and crashing in his head. He turned the pearl around in his hand, mind curious and body going numb to remember the night before. _It was disastrous probably. How am I still alive? Is that man okay? Why do I feel like the only one concerned about this?_ Yuuri paused his thinking to finish the last few sips of his tea, now cold. _Should I even be concerned about myself if I lived? I have the scrapes and the memory, but what if it was just a dream?_

 

~

When Yuuri returned downstairs and helped clean the mess of the morning crowd, his parents let him go down to the marina to check with Yuuko. His parents hadn't seemed much concerned about last night, despite the monsoon Yuuri recalled and had the scrapes to prove. None of the family had been out all morning, so for all Yuuri knew, the eastern Japanese coast could be completely clear. When he stepped outside, he realized that assumption was only partially true.

The beach and boardwalk were a mess, and it was devoid of its usual liveliness. Sand was spread everywhere like a blanket with its large covering but failure to hide bumps or creases in places. It erased traces of humanity ever existing there. People crowded around piles of broken food stands and damaged public property, wildly surprised at the destruction of last night. A small part of Yuuri was thankful for the evidence of the storm he experienced, but at the same time, he felt guilty and confused. _Had no one else heard the storm? Or even saw it? I was drunk but how am I the only one who remembers?_

Yuuri overheard onlookers saying, “This must be some kind of sick joke…” and, “How on earth did this happen? It only rained last night?”

 _No one would believe_ _me if I told them what I saw, not if I can't even remember-_ Yuuri shook his head, disrupting his thoughts. _No, they wouldn't believe you, but it's not your fault. Well. I mean, kinda. I did drink a lot. Fuck, I mean. The storm wasn't_ \- He huffed in annoyance. Yuuri decided heading straight to the marina and Marine Wildlife Center to find Yuuko was the best choice at the moment. She surely had the answers...and his glasses.

Before Yuuri left the inn, he pocketed the pearl. Not the wisest decision since he planned on keeping it safe, but Yuuri could almost feel a kind of energy radiating from it. Like a lucky charm, but more mystic than that. Almost necessary, it felt. _Was this pearl the reason I’m still alive?_ Yuuri turned it between his fingers as he walked.

As Yuuri approached the marina, he could see boat handlers and fisherman scattering to clean up the mess and checking for missing supplies. Yuuri weaved his path in and out of the chaos to the other side. 

-

“Employees only - Closed to customers and visitors due to recent disaster safety procedure and clean up,” a printed sign read on the Marine Wildlife Center’s glass door. Scribbled underneath in sharpie was a small message: “Please come help clean up at Hasetsu Marina and around Tyansu Bay if you have the time. Thank you!”

Yuuri could tell the written message came from Yuuko and heeded its instructions. However, he turned on his heels and impulsively tried the door handle. From peering in, one could see it was dark and looked empty, but the door was unlocked and Yuuri ran into a stressed Takeshi just after entering. 

“Woah, hey, Yuuri. I'm surprised you're out and about after last night?” Takeshi chuckled, as if it were funny. 

“Hi, Nishigori. Um, do you know where my glasses are? They weren't dropped off with my stuff and I can't find them.”

Takeshi’s demeanor faltered a bit when he answered, “Uh, we didn't see them on you last night so we kinda assumed you had them. My girls are by the bay, so we can help you look for them when we get down there, okay?”

_Great. My glasses are somewhere lost in the sand. Or maybe they got swept up and they're at the bottom of the ocean. I can't pay for another pair of glasses right now! I could wear my contacts? Hhhhhhhhh those hurt my eyes, though. Fuck fuck fuck. Well, it couldn't hurt to look for them?_

Yuuri nodded, pushing down his worried thoughts. He also thanked Takeshi for helping him out of the storm last night. Nishigori patted his back a tad too hard and reassured Yuuri that was what friends are for. Yuuri smiled. _Friends. Yeah._

-

Axel, Lutz, and Loop, the Nishigori’s triplets, were all dressed in colorful swimsuits. Yuuri could see pretty well without his glasses - vague shapes and colors, yeah, but it was something. He saw the three girls dancing and jumping around in the sand, carrying a trash bag and a trash grabbing contraption for cleanup. What Yuuri didn't see was the girls noticing him, then galloping toward him like wild animals. 

Axel brandished her trash grabber like a joust while Lutz held her garbage bag by the back of her neck like a cape. Loop followed behind them giddily and giggling. The triplets leaped onto Yuuri, who fell in a pile of sand. They shouted his name and clung to his limbs. 

“Yuuuuuri!! We missed you lots!”

“Aww why didn't you catch us, Yuuri? Throw us into the air, Yuuri!”

“Yuuri’s chubby now! Lutz, feel how squishy. He’s like dad!”

Takeshi shook with laughter and Yuuko appeared behind the girls, scolding both them and her husband. Yuuri never minded the girls getting too excited, but now they were a lot heavier and stronger. It really had been too long since he’d visited.

“It's okay, Yuuko, don't worry,” he said, getting up and dusting the sand off his backside. “I almost didn't recognize you little troublemakers!”

Communicating with people his age was tough, but kids? Yuuri loved kids. And kids loved Yuuri apparently. 

“Mommy, can we play with Yuuri?” Loop asked, tugging on Yuuko’s shirt.

Yuuko knelt down in the sand and smoothed Loop’s hair back lovingly. She explained that beach cleanup was a priority and playtime could happen later. Yuuri agreed, and said he’d love to catch up with the girls another time. Takeshi scooped Loop up and put her on his shoulders, then took Axel and Lutz’s hands and headed towards the boardwalk to get them lunch. As the four walked uphill, Yuuri and Yuuko could hear the girls asking for turns on their dad’s shoulders. 

“I can't believe they're going to turn six soon. They're beautiful, Yuuko,” Yuuri spoke, thinking of how small the girls were when he last saw them. 

Yuuko thanked him, and he wondered if she was going to tear up. She had sand in her hair and seemed to have been up all night. _She looks exhausted. I should really offer to babysit while I’m here so Yuuko can get rest._

After Yuuri told Yuuko what he could remember of last night, she promised to help search for his missing glasses. She hadn't heard of any monsoon, although the debris covering the whole bay proved otherwise. A silent storm that almost no one could hear or remember. How strange. 

-

Combing the beach proved to be unfruitful, if you considered Yuuri’s glasses a precious pineapple or something. Yuuri’s hope meter was running dangerously though, but deep down, a part of him kept thinking it would help. So he dug through the sand. He scoured the shores for hours, even after Yuuko left with her family to close the Marine Wildlife Center then go home to make dinner. There was still light outside, so maybe there could still be a chance of finding them?

Yuuri collapsed in the hot sand, pissed and dehydrated. _Who am I kidding? I look like an idiot out here. What clueless fuck thinks they can find a pair of glasses after a storm? I’m so stupid_. Yuuri pushed himself up and kicked a cloud in the sand to let out his frustration. It helped a little, but Yuuri needed more. He kicked the sand again, making another cloud of particles in the air. After stepping back to prepare for a third kick, Yuuri stopped his foot in midair. A familiar, quiet laugh came from behind him. Yuuri lowered his foot and turned around to face the shore cautiously and intrigued. 

Someone gasped, and water splashed. Yuuri paused a moment. Then, he impulsively rolled up his jeans and stepped into the water. The sun hadn't set yet, but burned an orange and coral streak across the surface of the ocean. The water was cool on Yuuri’s hot feet. 

A few meters ahead of Yuuri was a large ragged rock with small waves lapping around it. He could tell someone was hiding on the other side of it, snickering. The bottom of his jeans were getting wet, but Yuuri barely noticed. Water reached his knees and he continued wading in to see who was behind the boulder. 

Another splash. No one there. A bigger splash further out at sea and in the opposite direction. Yuuri whipped his head around to look. Without his glasses, Yuuri was capable of vague shapes and colors, not perfect but sufficient enough to know where he was and where he was going. Details escaped Yuuri often without visual aid but when he turned, the view made him gasp. Before him, clear as a cloudless day, was that same, familiar man from last night with his face above the water and wearing Yuuri’s glasses on the crown of his head. 

Yuuri felt completely at a loss for words, so nothing came from his gaping mouth at all. The man’s flowing, silvery hair was whisked away in the weary waves beneath his chin. With long, delicate fingers, the man pointed north, or at least Yuuri thought it was north. North lead to the other side of Tyansu Bay, a cove covered in sharp rocks and hidden sea cave entrances. The only safe way to get to that area was by swimming and Yuuri was not prepared for something like that. When he turned back to where the man was, only the vast expanse of ocean was left. 

Thoughts rushed back into Yuuri’s head like a shopping cart crashing into a brick wall, a fond memory he shared with Phichit back in New York. Yuuri shook his head. _That's not the point!_ He realized how deep he was in the water, and desperately clambered back to shore, breathless and legs wet.. 

_That's him! He’s alive and he’s real! He's here and he's real and I didn't imagine him. Holy SHIT...He has my glasses, too._ The thought dawned on him, and Yuuri frowned. _HE HAS MY GLASSES_! _THAT ASSHOLE TOOK MY GLASSES!!_

Yuuri tripped standing up and sprinted wildly up the sand hills. He veered right, wind blowing through his hair and against his body. Ahead on his path were the rocks leading to the northern cove of Tyansu Bay, where the man gestured to go to find him.

He climbed furiously, almost slipping and missing his footing a number of times. When Yuuri made his way to the top, he gazed at the cliffs and sea below him. Making his way down would be even more difficult than making his way up. _Why am I even doing this? What am I doing?_

One foot and one rock at a time. It reminded Yuuri of playing hopscotch with the other kids in the school garden growing up. Both feet stabilized on a boulder, and Yuuri planned how he’d step down each rock leading down the cliffside to the water’s edge. Left foot test the gray rock before climbing on to reach the dark brown rock with moss on one side. 

Yuuri heard the man’s distant, accented voice down by the shore and followed it blindly. He’d made it safely to the bottom of the cove, but more rocks littered the area. If Yuuri could climb up and down the cove’s cliff side, he could do this. 

It became easy, like the footwork of a dance routine. Yuuri was always the best at footwork. This was different. Dancing kings like himself couldn't move on uneven rocky paths like this and stay graceful. An unstable rock rolled under his heel, and Yuuri tumbled. Light and dark flashed before his eyes and Yuuri had fallen down a tunnel.

The sound of his falling echoed in the empty sea cave. Yuuri’s eyes adjusted to the lack of light and noted the cave he stumbled into was breathtaking. Across from him was an entrance to the ocean, its light a pale pinkish-blue glow that decorated the cave’s walls. From that light, Yuuri could make out where he was.

He lied in a bed of sand, providing a soft landing for his fall. Yuuri’s left ankle throbbed, however. _I must have twisted it._ He propped himself up on a rock to his right. _What am I even doing here? How the hell do I get out?_ Yuuri dragged his hands down his face, counting the decisions he regretted making that lead him here. So far, he was up to twelve. Discounting just getting out of bed this morning, the number was around nine or ten. 

“Wait, my phone!” Yuuri remembered.

Yuuri patted his pockets and found the device, only to see a black screen with a lightning symbol, passive aggressively telling him to charge his dead phone. _Fucking. Great._ He sighed and slumped. _Not like I'd get signal in here anyway_. _Better than my phone drowning, though. Or cracked from falling. Nice, thinking of the positives, Yuuri._

Light from the tunnel above Yuuri cast a faint glow on his face, a spotlight shining on the fool who fell in a hole chasing some fantasy. _Fantasy...Yeah. It sure did seem real. I must be delusional. How could I think he was real? That any of this was real._

Yuuri decided that, yes, he was relieved to see that man was alright, whether he was real or not didn’t matter. _Whoever he was, he must have helped save me. I wish I could thank him? Or at least get out of this hole._

Yuuri scooted his ass to the other side of the rock he sat on and inspected the tunnel he fell from, determining if climbing out could be possible. _How the hell am I supposed to get out of here?_ It was wide enough to maneuver his hands and feet, but also narrow enough to get stuck. Besides, his ankle ached and he’d feel worse trying to move it. _Even if I get out, how’ll I walk back home? Fuck me._

Just then, water rippled near the cave mouth and a figure swam in from the sea. Yuuri huffed with exasperation and turned towards the water. Emerging like a glowing god from the water, there the man was before him. Yuuri’d almost forgotten that's how he had gotten into this whole mess. However, all lingering irritation and doubt fluttered away like the butterflies in his stomach when the man came closer.

All pieces of last night’s puzzle fit together, only the picture it formed was strange. Too beautiful that you feel unworthy of even looking at it, but you can't turn your gaze away. Yuuri realized his mouth was wide open, and he closed it promptly, embarrassed.

The man spoke first, “Yuuri.” 

It came out breathless, but warm and almost relieved. Yuuri was captivated and ignored the pain of his ankle to crawl towards the man. His torso was above water, but the cave mouth was deep enough so the rest of his body was hidden. They were face to face at the water’s edge. So many questions balanced on the shore line between them in the small sea cave. 

Yuuri said nothing, but searched the man’s eyes for answers. In those eyes, he found warm currents and the shining ocean surface, but those eyes had seen a monsoon and pain. _How are you alive right now? Do you remember what I remember? Are you real?_

The man talked louder than a whisper, but quiet enough to barely hear him over the trickling water in the cave.

“Είμαι τόσο ευτυχής είσαι ζωντανός! Σας είπα ποτέ ακόμη και το όνομά μου…” He trailed off, then leaned forward to continue, “Ήμουν τόσο ανησυχούν για εσάς και δεν μπορούσα να σταματήσω να σε σκέφτομαι.”

Yuuri blinked. It was a language he had no familiarity with, not even recognizable to his ears. By Yuuri’s confused expression, the man realized he wasn't being understood and tried again.

“Oh! Beklager. Snakker du norsk?”

Another blank look appeared on Yuuri’s face along with a gentle smile, urging the man to keep trying. The man tried some kind of hand sign language, but Yuuri failed to understand that, also. 

_Fuck fuck fuck. What if we can't talk?_ _How will I know what happened? Or how he's safe? Or how **I’m** safe?_

“Geturðu skilið mig núna?”

If it was a question, Yuuri had no idea what the answer was and he shook his head. _Think, Yuuri, think. What do I do?_

The man blew stray silvery hair out of his face in frustration, before giving up on words and coming closer toward Yuuri. Yuuri was enamored with the man, of course, but part of him still so unsure. He backed up a few inches on instinct, then noticed a confused look on the man’s face.

“Pourquoi vous trembler ? J’espère que je n’ai pas vous dérangent?”

Yuuri could recognize French. The man spoke it beautifully, but he still hadn't a clue of what he said. Yuuri looked down at the sand brushing his fingers when he nervously fidgeted. _How many languages does this man know? Would he know Thai?_

Slowly enough to focus on each word, Yuuri asked in Thai, “พูดภาษาไทยได้ไหม?”

The man’s eyes brightened, not in understanding but in surprise, Yuuri assumed. _What, did he think I’m not multilingual as well?_ _I can speak in three!_

Now it was the man’s turn to shake his head. He came closer to Yuuri a second time, more cautiously. The man reached his fingers out to touch Yuuri’s face, then paused for approval. Yuuri nodded quickly, recalling the way they'd touched the night before. 

The man’s hand was cool against Yuuri’s warm cheek. Yuuri leaned into the touch slightly, taking a deep breath to further immerse himself in the scattered memories he had of last night. Cold fingers traced Yuuri’s skin, delicate like he was made of glass. The man’s finger gently touched the tip of his nose, concerned.

_Umm. What?_

“Ваш нос так холодно, но ваше лицо горячим. Чувствуете ли вы себя плохо, любовь?”

It seemed the man didn't care anymore about whether Yuuri could understand him or not. Honestly, Yuuri couldn't either. The tone of his words were soothing and his hands so soft. Who needed words with meaning?

_Wait. I speak three languages. I haven't even tried English with him? How fucking stupid am I?_

“Umm, do. Do you know any English?”

The man lit up and nodded furiously. 

“I know little English and I cannot speak well but I can write!”

Yuuri could cry tears of joy. Finally, a solution. He noticed a floating stick of driftwood in the cave’s pool and gestured for the man to retrieve it. As he turned his head to the sand to clear a spot for writing, Yuuri noticed light flicker in the water like a glimmer in the corner of his eye. 

“You are going to write with this?” the man asked in accented English. 

Yuuri returned his attention to the man and dismissed the light in the water. First, he’d learn the man’s name. _Oh, and where my glasses are and why he took them…How he’s alive would also be nice to know._

When the man swam back to Yuuri at the water’s edge, his long hair danced in the water, swirling behind him. His ears were visible now. The pointed ends made Yuuri gasp. 

“What in the-” Yuuri cut himself off. 

The man either heard and disregarded Yuuri’s comment, or heard but refused to make note of it. He wrote in the sand:

My name is Victor. Do you remember us meeting? Do you remember sea storm?

Yuuri replied verbally, tentative and watching the man - Victor. So many thoughts ran through Yuuri’s head at that moment. 

_He remembers...Victor remembers. Victor? Like the name of my dead dog? Why "Victor"? Wherefor art thou Victor? Isn't that a strange name for a merman? Why are his ears pointy? And how are we the only ones who remember the storm? He won't get out of the water, and knows all these fancy European languages, but doesn't know English that well…Well, English is hard. I had trouble when I first moved to America at eighteen, but it got easier for me._

Victor smoothed his hand over the words in the sand to create a blank slate, then passed the driftwood piece to Yuuri. His soft skin brushed Yuuri’s for a split second and Yuuri felt hot. 

“I’m fluent in English, but I’ll use this in case there are words you don't understand, okay?”

Victor nodded, his eyes wide with anticipation.

Yuuri wrote out a message asking about his glasses, then even drew a little cartoon of him wearing them. When he finished, Yuuri read the message aloud and pointed at each image, hoping not to offend Victor in any way. It was no work of art, but clear enough to make sense.

“Yes, yes! I have them, Yuuri. I am sorry for keeping glasses,” Victor said, fondly pointing at the glasses drawn in the sand. “And I can read English perfectly. No need for drawings, though yours are cute.” 

Yuuri became flustered and fumbled for words to say. _He called my drawings “cute”...Maybe he meant that in a condescending way._ Yuuri suddenly felt like shit for thinking it necessary to dumb down simple English for the man. _Stupid, stupid._

Victor cleared his throat and gestured to the stick, asking, “May I write?”

 _Can’t speak English well, my ass…_ Yuuri nodded, a tad annoyed.

Victor’s next message was longer, and it took longer for the words to come to him. Each word was spelled perfectly, and Yuuri ruminated as he watched Victor write. 

_Victor, Victor, Victor_. _Why is he named Victor of all things?_ Yuuri had only referred to his dog as Vicchan and was used to that pain, but this pain was new. It twinged his heart in miraculous ways, because this time, it felt good? It meant moving forward.

“Umm, Victor?” Yuuri spoke, unsure.

“Yes, Yuuri?” Victor replied, saying his name as natural as it could ever be. 

Yuuri cursed internally at how attractive this man was and continued to be, even in little ways like just saying his name.

“Before you finish writing, I want to ask, um. Who are you? And how are you here?”

Victor had already finished writing, however, and began to read aloud. He stumbled on the first word, then decided to completely erase all that he had written in the sand and start over verbally. 

“I want to return the glasses, but first, there is something I want to tell you,” Victor looked Yuuri straight in the eye when he spoke. “When we met, I was not in this form.”

Yuuri gulped and nodded, not entirely understanding but still listening attentively. Eye contact meant good communication, respect, and the like in America. It always felt strange and in some settings, uncomfortable. Any trace of nerves could be easily detected with constant eye contact. Any twitch or blink could mean anything, and when your body is that vulnerable, it is when you start realizing your own flaws more stark than ever. 

However, even in this defenseless state, an invisible bridge of trust was already being built across the river of doubt. Yuuri felt completely safe in Victor’s presence, despite knowing almost nothing about him. Of course, Yuuri would have the strength and willpower to pull away if he needed, but Yuuri predicted it wouldn’t come to that soon...or ever. While he processed these thoughts, Yuuri listened to the man in front of him fervently.

“It has been years since I approached land of the bengangers - sorry, _humans_ \- but last night when we met, you proved yourself worthy of my trust, knowledge, and companionship.”

_Worthy? Ben-what? WHAT?_

“In only moments did you capture my attention and teach me human rituals. When my kind leave the ocean, storm brew to bring us back. You protected me and now, my choice is clear. I want you to be our advocate, bridge the gap between human and mermaid aga-”

“WAIT WHAT??!!?!” Yuuri squeaked, backing away several feet and clutching his ankle. “Wh-what do you mean ‘mermaid’?! WHat the hell are you talking about?! Who are you, really? Is this some trick?”

Victor didn’t seem to expect Yuuri’s astonished and frightened response. His eyebrows were knit together with worry, and his suave composure faded for a few seconds. For that precious, precious moment did Yuuri catch a glimpse of someone just as equally lost and confused. It tugged Yuuri back closer to Victor, struck with silence. 

“Who are you, Victor?” Yuuri asked again, voice barely above a whisper. “How are you here? Why?”

The two were less than a foot apart now. A still quiet between them and nothing was said. Victor pushed off from the shore and swam back near the cave mouth entrance. Yuuri reached out, hoping the man who brought him here wouldn’t leave. Victor smiled sadly, a reassurance that he wouldn’t think of it.

As Victor swam back, an outline of his figure floated to the surface of the water. Beneath his navel, the skin turned smoother and slick with tightly close-together, ruby scales that glimmered in the light of the water. The curved end of some scales looked as if they were dipped in molten silver and glittered when Victor spun. Small, silvery fins flared out on either side of Victor’s tail, closer to where calves would be if he had legs. _Or rather, when he had legs. _The fins at the end of Victor’s majestic tail were a burnt pink color, growing more translucent at the tips with speckles of silver and red.

“Victor,” Yuuri gasped. “I. You’re. I, um. Wow?”

A vivacious smile bloomed on Victor’s face. He returned to the shore and sped right up to Yuuri’s face, allowing no space between them. Yuuri could feel Victor’s breath on his cheek as the mermaid looked at him closer. By the gentle smile and playful eyes watching him, Yuuri saw Victor meant his word.

“Now, then,” Victor spoke, following the same volume as Yuuri’s. “I see you?”

“Huh?” Yuuri’s brow raised.

Victor said nothing and tilted his head forward, gesturing a sort of ‘yes, your turn, now’, Yuuri glanced down at himself, then looked back at the mermaid.

“Sorry, um, maybe another time,” Yuuri said, hoping ‘another time’ could mean if or when he felt body confident someday. “Also, I can’t really stand right now. My ankle,” he brought his leg forward. “I tripped and uh, I think I twisted it. I can only stretch it a little. I’m sure I’ll be fine, but…”

As Yuuri trailed off, Victor grabbed Yuuri’s hand and spoke, “Yuuri, do not worry. May I look at it and finish what said earlier?” 

After receiving a nod, Victor continued, “You find that only you remember storm last night?” Victor asked, eyes searching Yuuri’s face.

Victor gently pressed light fingers onto Yuuri’s ankle, feeling the tenderness as he waited for Yuuri’s response. Yuuri winced when Victor began rolling his fingers over the sore muscle, but eased into the touch. Victor’s hands were cold on his skin - cold, but not in a bad way. They were soothing.

The silence Victor received was taken as a ‘yes’, and he spoke again.

“During full moon and with right ingredients, mermaids can perform spells to temporarily allow access to land. The ocean wants us back, and she creates a storm to take us home. You had only met me last night, but you protected me. I protected you, and vowed to keep you safe at all costs.”

Yuuri nodded slowly, gulping. Victor tenderly raised Yuuri’s ankle onto a rock, then scooped up a small handful of water and blew ice cold breath onto it, instantly freezing and casting a cold fog around his hand. He nonchalantly applied the ice onto the sensitive area of Yuuri’s ankle. Yuuri inhaled sharply, shocked at the cold and how the mermaid conjured it like it was nothing. 

Glancing over by the cave wall where he fell, Yuuri noticed something reflecting light. He pat down the pockets of his pants, then realized the pearl he was carrying had fallen by the tunnel entrance to the cave.

“Is, is that what the pearl is?” Yuuri started. “When I was carried home, I had this pearl on me,” he pointed to where it lied in the sand.

Victor swam to the other side of the cave and hoisted himself up on the sand. His scales shined as he reached over and retrieved the pearl. He turned it over in his left hand, smiling fondly.

“Yes, Yuuri. This was my spell to protect you and bring you help.”

As Victor waded back in the water to return by Yuuri’s side, Yuuri asked more questions, one leading to the other and creating more questions like dominos falling. Victor handed Yuuri the pearl, softly glowing with radiance as it passed between their fingers. Yuuri decided he’d keep the pearl forever, maybe turn it into a necklace.

“So, why were you out of the water? Why did you leave home?”

Victor’s bright-eyed light cast down for a moment, recalling something personal. Yuuri wished he hadn’t asked, but Victor responded before anything else could be said.

“The ocean...She’s hurting. No one has heard or felt Sea Mother’s presence in centuries, and the ocean is getting worse. Humans cause destruction, mermaids fight over everything now, and resources are few. My pod is small and we are not wanted. There must be something humans can do to help us and help ocean. I need you for that. Rebuild ally with humans and heal pain. We need an advocate to do that. 

“As advocate, you will teach me all of human history, technology, and culture and befriend my pod.I will take you under my wing, as metaphor goes, and in return, I teach you all of my history, technology, and culture. If my pods approve of you, you will be allowed to enter our elgammel and swim in our waters as one of us - temporarily, of course.”

Yuuri blinked. He reflected all that was said, but like a record scratch, things froze and didn’t make sense. _This all sounds so important, but how could I ever handle something like this? The weight of another species, the weight of the ocean?_

Victor’s voice was smooth and rich, calm but full of yearning, “So, what do you say, Yuuri? Will you be our advocate of the sea?” 

Everything that was said processed in Yuuri’s head, thoughts racing as a way to distract his anxiety. _One, two, three, four._ The sand was soft underneath where Yuuri sat, the water’s edge dancing. _Five, six, seven, eight._ Ruby and silvery scales glittered in the water behind Victor. Silver hair on a head with blue, piercing eyes looking at him expectantly. Yuuri remembered he hadn’t answered yet. 

So many times had Yuuri asked himself who he’d be, or what his life could mean. Yuuri still wondered about it. He wondered how many doors he’d closed and how many paths he could have taken instead. _This is crazy. What am I doing?_ Inhale. _Two, two, three four._ Exhale. 

“Yes, Victor,” Yuuri started, feeling sure of himself for the first time in a while. “I accept.”

Where two tides meet, one of three things can happen: one tide is larger, and surpasses the smaller one, an occurrence all too common in nature, unsatisfying and brief, easily forgotten; the tides of equal size fight and crash, from their catalyst it creates hundreds of ripples and smaller waves to be remembered for only a short time and live only for a short ride; the tides of equal strength know their battle would not last if fought against each other thus they join force and create an even stronger, more massive wave, regarded as legendary, destructive, and raw - remembered for it’s power and ability to break down all walls. 

Where their tides met, calculations failed and the outcome remained known only to the future, and there it hung like tomorrow in the sky, waiting for the crash.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading (and staying with this fic if you've been here since the beginning)
> 
> please leave a kudos and comment if you have the time <3 comments especially help motivate me and brighten my day
> 
> btw, if you would like a victor pov chapter in the future, please let me know either on tumblr or in the comments! thank you


	4. ferry me home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri’s heart buzzed as Victor grabbed his hand one last time. A silence fell between them, weighing down on the thread holding them and their two separate worlds together. Neither of them wanted to be the first to cut the rope binding them but each side pulled so hard — strange tug of war of who should say what and who should leave first, but Yuuri wanted the tether to stay knotted tight and hold them close. It was a feeling he'd never experienced before, and he hadn't a clue of what to expect or do or say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys its been a minute! last time i updated, i was in the hospital but i've since discharged and feeling better. i got a puppy who i am now training to be my psychiatric service dog (her name is Poppy and she can be found on instagram @pouncingpoppy). i hope you enjoy the chapter i've been working on the past 2 months while simultaneously working on myself. happy late birthday, yuuri and happy early birthday, victor! happy holidays and may the new year bring us all hope and strength to push forward and achieve our goals.

The gentle trickling of water and subtle rushes of waves came from the far end of the sea cave. Quiet ripples echoing across the water somehow meant so much more to Yuuri than before. Everything did.

Yuuri decided he could fall asleep to the sounds inside the cave, or even just the warmth purring in his chest, content with whatever was happening. He sat among the sand and rocks with his right ankle resting on a higher plane. The near-silence of the cave filled the air around Yuuri like fog. 

Victor had gone to retrieve the glasses, leaving Yuuri to wait patiently for him to return. _If he returns at all_ , Yuuri thought, shaking his head at himself for how literally blindly he'd stumbled into this. 

_Real mermaids? Needing me? WHat? Why am I so okay with this?_ _How did this even happen?_

Though he kept questioning every step he had taken to get to this point, Yuuri couldn't find a single cell in his body that rejected the outcome. In any normal circumstance, agreeing to be a part of some secret confederacy with a stranger you only just met while you were intoxicated would set alarms blaring. Some would simply call it impulsive behavior.. _What am I doing? I'm not impulsive...am I?_

Yuuri remembered he hadn't given himself a chance to properly breathe, and his chest was rising and falling rapidly, tightly wound with anxious twine. He simultaneously wanted to run as far away as he could on his weak ankle and also stay as close to Victor as possible. This feeling wasn’t only because the mermaid was beyond attractive - Yuuri wasn't that shallow - but some small, intuitive light twinkled in his chest and it set a fire around Victor that began to burn brighter with every second they shared. Whatever feeling that was, it couldn't be wrong. _It couldn’t._

Fire was dangerous and scorches the heart, but the warmth is ever so tantalizing. Yuuri couldn't leave that heat behind, even if it had the potential to scar him. That warmth lingered in Yuuri’s chest and spiked when Victor came into his head. 

Mere minutes ago, Victor had been so close, light fingers so cold but his breath on Yuuri’s cheek so warm. Yuuri felt his face heat up picturing Victor coming that close again. He buried his face in his hands to muffle an overwhelmed squeal. _I’m such an idiot_ , he thought, but this elated grin never left his face. 

From the end of the cave’s mouth, Victor’s long slim shadow appeared under the surface of the water. His silver hair stretched out behind him, swishing in tune with the waves of the water in his wake. Upon breaching, Victor slicked his hair back and his wet skin glistened, light hugging the high points of his face. It made Yuuri’s chest tighten. _Why is he so pretty?_

“Sorry for wait, I forget where I put things,” Victor said with an adorable, guilty smile.

Yuuri decided this mermaid would kill him. Cause of death: heart attack due to gay ventricular contractions. 

“Um, no, it's okay. Don't worry about it,” Yuuri replied. 

Tied around Victor’s waist was a kind of woven bag made from fish netting and seaweed. _How neat_. It seemed full of things other than glasses, and Yuuri wondered what Victor could also be carrying around - if he was like fairy tale mermaids that kept dinky trinkets with them all the time like a fork or an old pipe.

Victor delicately pulled out Yuuri’s blue frames, a little crooked on the left side and covered in water droplets, but still in one piece. 

Yuuri could tell Victor was eager to place them on his face, so Yuuri nodded in approval. Victor bit his lip slightly in concentration and unfolded the glasses to put them over Yuuri’s nose. They didn't catch on Yuuri’s ear or poke his eyes, but Victor did put them upside down. Yuuri stifled a laugh and said his thanks, then Victor realized his mistake and tried again.

“Sorry for laughing. This is just so weird,” Yuuri chuckled, taking off his glasses again to clean them, causing Victor’s eyebrows to pull together in confusion. “Uh, not that you're weird!” Yuuri continued. “This just, um, meeting you and the whole. Mermaid thing?”

“Yes, so weird,” Victor agreed. “Humans have weird traditions and inventions. What are glasses?” he pointed to the pair Yuuri held.

The lenses were finally smudge and streak-free so Yuuri put them back on his face before responding. Everything in the cave became high definition, clearer and more real than ever. Yuuri couldn't speak, just take in all that he’d missed.

Rugged rocks carved into walls. Swirls in the sand beneath where he sat. The cave’s pool dancing quietly and dimly lighting the room, much bigger than Yuuri thought at first. Moonlight seeping into the cave from the tunnel Yuuri fell down. 

A porcelain face inches from his own with pale skin glittering in freckles like stars in the night sky. Silver brows creased as Yuuri studied Victor more. Long, fluttering lashes crowning cerulean eyes. Hair as silvery white as the moon and as soft as puffy clouds sweeping over Victor’s shoulders. Pink and red shimmering scales along where legs should be, followed by silky, curling fins poking into the sand. 

“Yuuri?” Victor asked, drawing out the ‘u’ in his name as usual. 

Something tugged at Yuuri’s heart.

“You are okay?” Victor placed a hand on his shoulder. 

“Yeah, uh, these just help me see and. Sorry, um. This is a lot to take in.”

“I understand. I feel same way. It is difficult to know you are real and not-”

“A dream?”

“Yes! Dream is fantasy, right?”

Yuuri nodded, noting a sparkling in Victor’s eyes.

Victor moved his hand from Yuuri’s shoulder to his cheek, asking, “And you are not dream, right?”

Yuuri shook his head and placed his hand over Victor’s. Everything was so strangely clear, but still a mystery. One thing Yuuri knew he was sure of, however, was that this felt right.

“Now that I can see better, is it okay if I look at your, um, your tail more?” Yuuri moved both of their hands away from his face, embarrassed from the exchange. “It’s really cool…your tail.”

_Cool. Stupid, stupid! He probably doesn't even know what that word means._

“What is…’cool’?”

_I fucking knew it._

“It’s like a word for. Really interesting, or awesome, or I dunno...fantastic?”

Victor beamed. A hum came from his lips as he lifted his lower, scaled half out of the water. Yuuri watched the hard lines and contrasting curves of Victor’s body, eyes following back up to Victor’s face, noticing tiny slits on the sides of his neck. _Are those...are those gills?_ Victor continued humming and twisting his ruby fins along to his melody. His eyes never left Yuuri’s face, waiting for another reaction or praise.

_He’s really loving this, showing off, trying to surprise me. I guess he wins, though. I’ll never stop being surprised by him._

“What are you humming?”

“Humming?” Victor asked, then continued to hum.

“Oh, uh it's like. It's like singing but quiet and your mouth is closed,” Yuuri began to demonstrate, humming a few notes. “I was asking, um, what song you were humming?”

Victor stopped humming, and his eyes turned downcast, sad. _Shit._

“It’s okay, you don't have to tell me,” Yuuri said, unsure of the best way to comfort the mermaid. _Change the subject, dipshit._ “Your tail is incredible, so thank you for showing me.”

Still no response, but Victor’s smile came back and he turned his attention back to Yuuri with enthusiasm.

The pain in his ankle had been numbed away from Victor’s magic, or mermaid ice trick, or _whatever;_ but Victor began examining Yuuri’s ankle again and decided to make more ice. A small, purpleish bruise had formed, but it would be fine. Pain would most likely return when Yuuri would put weight on it to climb out of the cave and get back home, but he could always care for it more at home. The RICE method and such.

“Your pódi is swollen,” Victor noted, scooping up water from the cave’s pool and blowing it frozen.

“My what is swollen?”

Victor molded the ice in his hand to a curved shape as he blew on it then applied it to Yuuri’s ankle, pointing at it. 

“Your _pódi_.”

“Oh, my ankle? You mean my ankle?”

“Ankle?” Victor tried, raising his eyebrow.

“Yes, this is my ankle,” Yuuri pointed and explained. “This is my foot and my leg. The ankle connects them.”

Confusion looked cute on Victor’s face, and Yuuri laughed. He explained again, slower, and Victor was able to repeat the words back in understanding. 

“I did not know more words for that,” Victor contemplated, stroking the parts of Yuuri’s leg with one finger. “We never had use for them…”

“I'm guessing you don't come near land often?” Yuuri offered. 

Victor shook his head, his eyes focused on Yuuri’s ankle again. From this angle, Yuuri could see how long the mermaid’s eyelashes were. _He's so pretty? Do mermaids even need to have eyelashes?_ Yuuri smiled to himself. _Not that they need a reason to, I suppose. Still pretty._

“I watch humans from water, far away. Well, I have in past. Not anymore,” Victor stopped tending to Yuuri and looked up, eyes shining. “But then, I met you!” he exclaimed with a wide, heart-shaped smile. 

“M-me?”

“Yes! I saw you, and knew you were special. Kind, so bright, be good teacher. You are only human for me, my Yuuri.”

Yuuri blushed at that. _He couldn’t mean….no._

“Wait, wait. I was drunk! I made a _fool_ of myself. I’m not who you're looking for, so I- I can't do something like this,” Yuuri stretched his hands out and waved them as he pleaded. “I’m sorry, Victor, but you chose the wrong person! Anyone but me! I lied, I can't do this. I can't possibly teach you or save anythi-”

Victor’s hand snapped to Yuuri’s mouth, quieting him. Victor paused in surprise. He smirked, eyes still shining with intrigue and pride like before, and he leaned closer to speak.

“You talk so much, Yuuri,” he removed his hand from Yuuri’s lips. “You have shown me you are worth. I know you have potential to be great. You are great. Why do you not understand it?” 

A beat passed. Two, three. Silence.

Victor’s eyes glanced down at Yuuri’s tight lips then back up into his eyes, studying him with brows close together again. Yuuri couldn't think of anything to say, so Victor took the opportunity to continue.

“I will teach you all I know about my kind, and you teach me all about your kind. You will not hold together ocean without my help. I am not,” Victor paused, trying to find the word. “Expert. This has not been done in centuries, but I will start it again. We will, together.”

“Not done in centuries? The whole talking to humans thing?”

“Yes. Humans are...frighting?” Victor tried. “No, frightening. They are frightening!” he finished with a smile, happy with himself for finding the word.

 _He says these things like it's no big deal. If mermaids are so scared of humans, why is he even talking to me right now?_ _Why are they scared of humans in the first place?_

Victor reached into his woven bag and pulled out a ball of slimy, pearlescent purple goop. Different shades of blue and pink appeared as Victor spread it in his hands and stretched it like rubber. It was fascinating, but the wet, squelching sounds coming from it made Yuuri cringe. Satisfied with the pliability of the stretched-out goop, Victor brought it towards Yuuri’s hurt ankle to wrap it. Yuuri pulled away abruptly. 

“This help yourpo- _ankle_ ,” Victor said, leaning in again to apply the goop.

The consistency was thick and sticky with a distinct smell of rotting fish, and Yuuri turned his head away so as not to gag. Victor smoothed the slime around Yuuri’s achilles tendon and underneath the arch of his foot. It felt ice cold and clung to his skin tightly, adding much needed compression for his sprained ankle.

Out of the corner of his eye, Yuuri caught Victor with his tongue poking out in concentration and he began to laugh at the sight. Bubbles formed in the slime wrapped around Yuuri’s ankle and popped, making ridiculous farting sounds that made Yuuri laugh even harder. Victor hadn't a clue what was so funny but started laughing too. It built and built and built. Neither of them knew what was happening and they both forgot how it even started, but they just kept laughing. Yuuri’s body shook and his eyes felt wet. Victor clutched at his stomach, sore from laughter and bewildered by the strange, new sensation. _Do mermaids never laugh like this?_

Yuuri wiped his eyes and sighed loudly, coming down from the giggly high. Victor mimicked Yuuri and sighed, too. His face was lit up pink, contrasting well with the blue and green in his wide eyes. 

“What, what was that?” Victor asked, breathless. Before Yuuri could answer, however, Victor placed a finger over Yuuri’s lips and continued excitedly, “Wait! Don’t tell yet. I want that to be first thing you teach me in first lesson together.”

“First lesson?”

_Oh, right. Teaching. Mermaid advocate to protect the entire ocean and all its inhabitants. Mmmmmmmmmm yep. Yeah, uhhhh. I can't do this._

“Um, so about that,” Yuuri began. 

“Prepare lessons about your history and culture. Science,” Victor interjected. He reached for Yuuri’s hand and continued, “Also about you, Yuuri! I want to know all about you and your pod.”

Yuuri’s eyes flew to their connected hands then back to Victor’s face. _He's holding my hand, he's holding my hand, he's holding my hand. Why is breathing so hard right now?_

“Your passions,” Victor whispered, leaning closer. “Your life and love. Yuuri, I want to learn now. I want to learn so much about you now but I must leave and-”

“Wait, leave?”

_I'm so dumb, of course. We can't just sit in this cave forever. He probably has a family, or what did Victor call it? A pod?_

“Yes, Yuuri. I return to my pod then be back in no less than three suns. You will find me by water edge and we shall begin. I am sorry to leave now, but my pod is small and weak. I am leader and must protect them.” Victor’s hands reached out to cup Yuuri’s sympathetic face as he finished, “You understand, do you not?”

“No, no, I understand,” Yuuri said, eyes down. 

If he kept eye contact with Victor, he knew he wouldn’t be able to accept their parting. The warmth would be gone. Looking away would be easier.

_Three days. I can do that. Three days._

Victor hesitantly removed his hands then quickly offered them again to help Yuuri get to his feet. Well, foot. With the slime wrap tight on Yuuri’s ankle, the compression and coolness helped numb his foot enough to not be as painful, but getting back would still require crawling and limping. Normally, Yuuri’s pride got in the way of injuries and he’d force himself to push through, but what pride had he left? Hobbling in the night like some demented beast it was.

 _Oh, wait, I forgot the pearl_ , Yuuri remembered, turning to pick it up from where it laid in the sand. Victor asked what he was doing. 

“Is it okay if I keep the pearl? It's really special, um, what you did for me... and I'd like to keep it... if that's okay,” Yuuri answered, trailing off. 

That face someone makes when a child does something cute or camera worthy, but it's also pathetic at the same time? That's the face Victor made, and burning embarrassment heated Yuuri’s face. 

“Yes, Yuuri, it is okay to keep pearl,” Victor responded, amused. “I do not understand why humans like pearls so much. They are waste product of clam and mermaid, but humans still like them so much!”

“Oh, it's not like that! I mean, they're popular for like, jewelry, I guess? But I just want to keep it because, well, it's from you.” Yuuri realized how pathetic that sounded and scrambled to find other words. “Um, I mean it's special because you said you used it to save me? That means so much and it’d be nice to have and remember you and —”

Victor interrupted, “No, I understand, Yuuri. You are thoughtful, special. Much different from other humans. Another reason I chose you.”

Yuuri felt like he could run through a field of flowering fruit trees and sing at the top of his lungs, confessing his gaiety and absolute joy

_I know I’m being pitiful, being this over the moon for the attention and praise he's giving me, but I honestly don't care. He's so kind? And curious. And I don't know why, but he believes in me._

That warmth returned in Yuuri’s chest, softly ebbing and flowing like the ocean. 

A small urgent thought tugged on Yuuri’s brain. _Oh. Right. Time to go._ He sighed softly and pocketed the pearl. 

“Yuuri, find exit?”

 _Oh, shit. I forgot I don’t have a way out._ Yuuri hopped over to the overhead tunnel where he fell. There was no way he would be able to climb out. He whipped his head around, dark hair swishing. No safe exit anywhere. _No, no, no, no, no, no. How am I gonna get home?_

A splash and bright eyes, then a voice, “Yuuri, I have idea! I will ferry you!”

“I-I’m sorry?”

Heart shaped smile and flailing fins. Victor reached for Yuuri’s hands again and pulled him close to the shore of the small cave pool. 

“Yessss! I will ferry you outside. Ferry you in arms,” Victor began demonstrating with excited hand gestures. “Swim out of cave, ferry you to sho-”

“Ferry? Like a boat?” Yuuri interrupted.

Victor’s face dropped and he raised a finger to his lips, thinking aloud, “Ferry? Is that wrong word?”

“Did you mean _carry_?” Yuuri asked. He felt like Google.

“No, I am sure it is ‘ferry’. Yes, ferry,” Victor assured, though his face suggested that he still wasn’t sure.

Yuuri laughed, accepting the cute hilarity of the situation, “Oookay, then. Ferry me home, Victor.”

Not a moment passed before Yuuri was pulled swiftly into Victor’s arms and pressed against the mermaid’s broad, freckled chest. Warmth spiked, bubbled, and boiled inside Yuuri, reaching the top of his head to the tips of his toes. Bridal style, Victor’s arms wrapped around and under Yuuri, carrying him with ease and Yuuri felt so _safe_. That security didn’t keep his anxiety down, however, and Yuuri’s eyes were wide with fear. _Safe, but afraid, what a contradiction_ , Yuuri thought.

“Do not worry, Yuuri. I will be gentle,” Victor spoke softly, mispronouncing the ‘g’ at the beginning of the word ‘gentle.’ 

It was so endearing and silly that Yuuri chuckled and relaxed his tight muscles, only to hear Victor giggle as well. Laughter was so contagious with Victor. Either mermaids are unfamiliar with the sensation, or he really just loved Yuuri’s laugh. _Probably the former._

Victor used the force of his tail to push off from the shore and glided backwards across the cave pool to the other side. He was clearly an excellent swimmer, not having to keep his eyes on where he was headed but rather on Yuuri to make sure he was alright. Yuuri had to consciously remind himself to breathe since being in a gorgeous mermaid’s arms somehow incapacitated his lungs.

“Yuuri, what is the word for,” Victor began, thought a moment, then demonstrated breathing in. 

“That’s breathing, or uh, inhaling.”

“Great! You need to do breathing now,” he warned, half a second before diving under.

The words didn't register in Yuuri’s head, but his body remembered to breathe. It wasn't enough and the shock of cold water slammed the air out of his chest. Yuuri flailed in Victor’s arms and thrashed against his chest. Victor released Yuuri and they both floated up to the surface. 

Yuuri sputtered and gasped for air as he swam back to the cave pool’s shore, grabbing at the sand to pull his torso up out of the water. Victor sped back and rested on the sand next to him, his face full of guilt and concern. Yuuri’s chest rose and fell rapidly. 

“ниже богини! Yuuri okay?!”

Yuuri smiled weakly up at Victor and chuckled softly, “I'm alright, Victor. Just give me more of a warning before you do that, okay?”

Victor’s frown cleared and his eyes sparkled. He offered his hand to Yuuri for them to try again. They helped each other into the water. Victor tried to allow Yuuri more space to swim this time, but quiet, warm hands found his and assured Victor that he'd rather be closer. Victor’s face brightened. He lifted Yuuri and held him against his broad chest, both of their heart dancing at the contact. 

_Inhale. Two, three, four. Hold. Two, three, four, five, six, seven. Exhale. Two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight._ Yuuri slowed his breathing. He focused on counting and the rippling of water in the cave and how soft Victor’s skin was. 

Victor’s eyes met his. They shared a nod and let the water engulf them as they dove under. Yuuri gripped the back of Victor’s neck with his left hand and ducked his head down, shutting his eyes tight. With his right hand, Yuuri held down his glasses to his face. Water rushed past his cheeks and tickled his skin with chills. The speed at which Victor swam was remarkable, and Yuuri wondered how fast he could go without carrying someone. 

Curious yet terrified, Yuuri pried open his eyes and saw that the sea surrounding them was dark. Small streamers of light and bubbles flickered all around and it was magical. The force of the water against him was too great to take in a full view but it must have been breathtaking. _Metaphorically and literally_ , Yuuri thought. He pondered what it might be like to swim with Victor in a more casual setting and his heart swelled. He clung tighter to Victor then, enjoying what he could of the mermaid’s company before eventually parting ways.Yuuri saw the surface within a few meters and realized that he had been holding his breath the whole time.

They breached the surface and water crashed all around them, glittering under the light of the moon like the winking stars of a dark night sky. Silver light shone on Victor’s face, making him look even more ethereal than the daydream Yuuri captured in his mind from the night they met. His face was wet, and Yuuri stared at the droplets clinging to Victor’s lashes. Victor looked at Yuuri the same way, then reached forward to smooth back the stray sopping hair strands stuck to Yuuri’s forehead. 

Victor motioned for Yuuri to hold onto the back of his shoulders and Yuuri followed swiftly. He turned his head around and met Yuuri’s eyes, delicate and kind. Victor grinned wide and stupidly, then propelled them both to the main shore with a few flicks of his tail. Yuuri released his grip on Victor’s shoulders and stood up in the shallow water. Sand squished between his toes and water lapped at his knees, but nothing could pull Yuuri’s focus away from the mermaid before him. 

Victor’s lips curled up at the ends and he spoke quietly, like the words he uttered were too precious for any other person in the world to hear, “Yuuri, I... I do not understand it.”

“Don't understand what?” Yuuri asked. 

“I must admit, I...I do not want to leave. I do not know why? Do you feel same way?”

“Yes,” he whispered back, “Victor, I've never been great with words, but I. Yes. I feel the same way.”

Yuuri’s heart buzzed as Victor grabbed his hand one last time. A silence fell between them, weighing down on the thread holding them and their two separate worlds together. Neither of them wanted to be the first to cut the rope binding them but each side pulled so hard — strange tug of war of who should say what and who should leave first, but Yuuri wanted the tether to stay knotted tight and hold them close. It was a feeling he'd never experienced before, and he hadn't a clue of what to expect or do or say. 

“Thank you for _ferrying_ me home, Victor.”

“Yes, Yuuri,” he replied fondly.

A soft snicker.

“What is it?” Victor asked, curious to learn more about what made Yuuri laugh. 

“Nothing. Nothing at all,” Yuuri whispered.

“My human, I want to see you sooner, but I must go. Three suns and I see you again.”

Victor ran his fingers over Yuuri’s hands before letting them go. Yuuri squeezed his hands into fists to resist the urge to take hold again. _Inhale. Exhale_. 

Yuuri smiled, “Until then, Victor?”

“Until then, Yuuri.”


	5. update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> not an actual chapter but rather an update on me and where this fic is going

Hey, ya'll. It has been SOME TIME since I last updated, but I have so much more story to tell. However, I need to do some rearranging first before I can just post a new chapter. There are times when you think something is finished, but then you'll take a fifth look at it and realize there will probably never be a point of satisfaction with your work enough so to deem it "finished". That's how I feel about TWAR, and I don't want to continue a story that still needed some tweaks to the beginning. I have so much written and planned, it's unbelievable, and I'm so excited to share that with you. But first....my plan for right now is to delete the current chapters and repost the edited versions of them in a cleaner and more concise way. In some parts it may not look like much has changed, but in others, I can definitely hint that there will be more foreshadowing and more content in general. It has been SOME TIME since the last update, so I feel like this fresh start will be good for both me and you, the audience. I hope to complete the reposting process early September, however please keep in mind that I am now an adult (holy shit right) and I have a job, so while I'd like to think of this as my number one priority, life comes first.

Thanks to all my readers, supporters, close friends who let me rant about my story to them, and my wonderful friend and beta, Nannah, for helping make this story what it is and what it is going to be. Good luck to those starting school, and good vibes to those just dealing with life in general.

Feel free to hit me up on my tumblr @moonsilk or my yoi specific tumblr @makkabean if you'd like to check in or just to chat. See ya'll soon!

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr: http://moonsilk.tumblr.com/


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